Aligned one moment, then gone the next. Here there everywhere and nowhere. This describes my life perfectly from day to day as I begin to realize that some people can't be saved and even more people will never care about the wrongs they have done in their tumultuous lives. Can a person really ever love again if that person was never loved at all to begin with? Or is that person just lying to himself because he or she is afraid to dare the fear that, just maybe, they are loved but can't accept being hurt again? My greatest fear next to heights is this thing most people called love; I call it a complete waste of time and resources but bear with me for a moment. We all have a story, we are raised this way or that, but how can I learn something I have never really felt at all since I was a small, naive kid and that love alone turned out to be a lie in the end any way. Answers to these questions seem so elusive to me now that I just gave up on trying years ago, a mistake no one should make but behold stupid fucking me going against the norm of society. I'm just...different from everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I am not a psychopath or womanizer but at this point in my substantially shitty life I can't hold on to something that was never there at all. Not asking for pity or an explanation here, just sharing a feeling I have had for a long time. A feeling that is a cross between shattered sadness and hidden joy that seeps through me like rain on a lonely grave. Perhaps there is still hope that maybe one day I can love again and find a family that loves me for who and what I am despite my setbacks and endless quirks. Until that day I am just stuck here in my own ADD inflicted world just living day after day in a shell that should have been discarded a long while ago. Even though this shell does help me through most of anything that flies my way, you can only carry the weight of the damn thing for so long before you have to stop and take a rest for God's sake. All that I ask for is some absolution from this curse I am branded with, but how can I be saved if I choose not to be saved? I need to contemplate this some more before I can come up with some witty solution to this issue. Problem is, how long can this problem goes on before it takes away all I have worked for all these years? Fuck my life, some of the most important questions never get an answer. Hopefully though, you the reader can come up with one yourself because I am the last person you would ever wish to be. Offset in a world that is more screwed up than I am. Carpe Diem and have a nice day.