Uncle Aldo - Part 1

Hey everyone, This a new story I've written featuring my main character, Aldo. If you enjoy this and would like to read more about his exploits. He's featured in three published novels. A Working Class State of Mind, Who's Aldo, and Family Man. All three are availble from Amazon and all good bookshops. Kindle and audiobook versions are also available. Thanks.

 

‘’Sis, you aboot?!'' ah belt oot. Jist as ah'm shuttin the door behind massel and a wee excited, Brucie. At first, ah'm met wae deid air, likes. But soon Aisha's elegant voice begins tae ricochet doon the hallwey.

 

''I'm in the kitchen, Aldo!'' she says.

 

Yin quick glance doon at ma main man promptly confirms that he's predictably in his element. In fact, fuck that. Truth is, he's brimmin ear tae ear. And is by aw acoonts swept aside in a state ae euphoria.

 

''Oan yae go, son'' ah tell him. A verbal starter's pistol which causes him tae flee doon the hallwey at full speed. 

 

Yae see, Bruce actually lives and breathes fur these visits tae his favourite aunties gaff. He always hus.

 

Cannae really fault him, either. Cos it’s certainly nae secret that each person under this roof places him oan the highest ae pedestals. Plus, it’s obvious tae anycunt wae a pair ae workin eyes that this adoration goes baith weys.

 

Ah stoap briefly tae admire the dramatic double height hallway. Almost snatches yur breath awey anytime yae step inside this particular mansion. Mean, make nae mistake aboot it. Ma sister hit a haime run when she bagged herself that very numpty she caws a husband. Ah mean, c’moan, eh? the white marble flair under ma feet wid catch anyboadys attention. No tae mention there’s enough poncy art pinned tae the wahs tae chairge an admission fee. It’s aw full ae middle-class scribbles and overpriced pish.

 Eventually, ah slide inside the kitchen. Aisha’s knelt doon peerin intae Bruce’s Bambi eyes, rubbin his ears. Meanwhile his big wet tongue starts lickin her puss. Ah subtlety cough which immediately draws their focus. Aisha springs tae her feet and as per she’s glammed up like a footballer’s WAG. Nae doot the result ae a recent splurge in George Street.

 

She jist rolls her eyes at me, ‘’Oh, it’s you’’

 

‘’As ever a nice welcome fae ma baby sister’’ ah say, tuttin under ma breath.  ‘’Furget any, it’s nice to see you again Aldo, eh?’’.

 

‘’You know you’re always welcome here…if you bring Bruce with you, that is’’.

No, that ah wid ever take offence at such a statement.  Efteraw, ah’ve made peace wae the fact ah’m nuttin maire than a spare part at these family encounters. So, ah simply plonk massel doon at the island in the middle ae the kitchen. Bruce jist stares up at Aisha wae his infectious smile and his eyes widen. Waitin fur her to offer up some fid. She kens the scripty by now and happily fetches some dug treats fae the kitchen drawer. Before generously scatterin a handful ae thum acroass the flair. Only then does she remember her manners.

 ‘’Fancy a coffee?’’ she asks, as the brew bubbles in her swanky machine.

 

‘’Aye, why no, eh? plenty ae milk and two sugars, though’’ ah tell her.

 

Ah remain seated at the Island that’s goat stools at either side ae it. Bruce of course is still occupied munchin his wey tae happiness.

 

‘’So, where’s Roxy and Jennifer?’’ she presses, tae crack the silence.

 

‘’They’re haein afternoon tea wae Roxy’s mother at The Willow. But they baith send their love’’.

 

‘’Oh, that’s nice’’ she notes, pourin Columbia’s finest intae two mugs.

 

She then brings baith cuppas tae the table. Takin the chair acroass fae me.  

 

‘’Is The Royals answer tae George Clooney no joinin us?’’ ah quiz her, wae a cheeky smirk.

 

‘’If you’re referring tae Brian’’ she shoots back. ‘’He’s very busy today’’.

 

‘’Lit me guess, eh?’’ ah gloat, as ah blow oan ma coffee tae cool doon the brew. ‘’Him and his cronies are enjoyin a taxpeyers paid jolly tae St Andrews?’’.

 

She gies me the absolute evils before reluctantly admittin, ‘’Actually, he is out enjoying a round of golf with some colleagues. But not at St Andrews, no.’’.

 

‘’And they wonder why yae git maire medical advice fae a receptionist than an actual fuckin quak, eh?’’.

 

‘’Brian works very hard’’ she’s quick tae remind me, clearly ragin. ‘’His job is extremely stressful. He’s entitled to unwind’’.

'

‘’Easy, eh?’’ ah tell her, sippin ma cuppa. ‘’Ah’m jist messin. So, is young Imran and Priya in?’’

 

She shakes her loaf, ‘’No, it’s Monday. They’re both at school. Priya’s going to her friend’s house for tea. But I need to collect Imran in an hour’’.

 

‘’Fair enough’’ ah accept, peerin in Bruce’s direction. But he’s clearly peyin the price fur eatin too fast lyin quietly curled up oan the flair.

 

And thats when Aisha blindsides me when she brings up a touchy subject, ‘’Are you going to the Mosque for mum’s award ceremony?” she asks. “It really does fill me with pride that all her hard work with the foodbanks and soup kitchens is finally being recognised’’.

 

‘’You no remember?’’ ah say, gawpin at her in disbelief. ‘’That fuckin Imam banned me fae ever settin fit in the place. Mean, fur someboady who spends his hale life preachin love and forgiveness. The cunt cannae half hud a grudge. Fur fuck’s sake, eh? Aw ae that happened eighteen year ago’’.

 

Consequently, that detail ae ma chequered past causes her drink tae go doon the wrong pipe. She sharply coughs and splutters a little until her eyes start tae fill wae water.

 

‘’You awrite?’’ ah ponder, genuinely concerned fur her well bein.

 

‘’I’m fine, I’m fine’’ she keeps reapeatin, catchin her breath. ‘’I can’t believe I forgot about that. But you can hardly blame Mr Sharma for still being annoyed at you. People still talk about that stunt you pulled to this day’’.

 

Soon as they words leave her mooth ah hear Bruce comes to life. It’s common knowledge he cannae pass up an opportunity fur some goss. And tae be honest.  Withoot even the need tae look in his direction ah awready ken he’s aw ears.

 

‘’Look’’ ah tell the sis, attemptin tae doonplay the situation. ‘’Ah saw a business opportunity and took advantage ae it. It’s that simple’’.

 

‘’For Christ’s sake’’ she blethers acroass the table. ‘’You parked your burger van right outside the Mosque during Ramadan. People were fasting’’.

 

‘’It’s ma fault that their faith couldnae pass the smell ae a double bacon cheeseburger? Mean, if anyhing, he should be thankin me fur rootin oot the non-believers, eh? It wis a victimless crime’’.

 

‘’Victimless?’’ she gasps. ‘’Cousin Kabir wis lynched when he returned to India’’.

 

‘’Aye, that’s right’’ ah mull tae massel fur a brief second, weighin up this bit ae info. ‘’Ah remember seein the photae oan Facebook. Aunt Sana led the chairge. His ain mother, fuckin religious fanatics’’.

 

Tae this, Bruce finally finds his voice by littin loose a disapproving howl. It’s very much a resoundin, ‘’That’s bang out of order, da!’’.

 

"Bruce’’ ah challenge him. ‘’He wis a fat Jambo cunt if that makes yae feel any better?''. 

 

He suddenly then looks at me in a now understandin fashion. And his beamer melts awey at an instant. 

 

It’s at this moment when Aisha’s iPhone which is laid in front ae her starts tae ring. ‘’It’s the school’’ she says, efter takin a gander at the screen. She then gits up and walks through tae the livin room tae take the caw.

 

Minutes later she reappears, lookin a little rattled.

 

‘’What’s the matter?’’ ah push her.

 

‘’Apparently, Imran was involved in an incident at school with another boy’’ she spills, soondin concerned. ‘’Have you seen my car keys?’’.

 

‘’Is that they’m there?’’ ah say, pointin tae the hook nixt tae the American fridge.

 

In a flurry she snags thum and shouts back as she races oot the hoose, ‘’Just make yourself at home. I’ll be back as soon as I can’’.

 

 An invitation which me and ma baby boay eagerly accept. As we git tae enjoy how the other half live in peace and quiet.