half a lifetime ago

half a lifetime ago

 

half a lifetime ago

I found god

or god found me

unexpectedly

 

my wife was hostile to my faith

so I said goodbye

and walked a pilgrim’s way

 

on bleeding feet

I limped the coast path,

hopped ferry boats

to a northern isle

and found, and lost,

myself in solitude

 

he sighs over a letter written

to his wife that he could not send

 

he will stow it

for safe keeping  

in a dresser drawer

for someone to find

 

 “winter is approaching

at the speed of rain 

death is close

I can almost taste it

 

you might have enjoyed life here

in this croft beside the burn.

with a family kitchen

a glowing stove

but no one eats with me

 

you would love the view of Egilsay

across the bay and spotting otters,

bobbing seals, dolphins sometimes,

and gannets feeding

 

and above the seabirds’ calling

the numinous rainbow cathedral silence

 

I wish you had been here with me

sharing the years of memories

we would have gathered

as we sat together

warm around the stove

 

I wonder where you are”

 

I wonder where we ever are.