How would you like to be murdered?

How Would You Like To Be Murdered?

How would you like to be murdered?
Have you thought about it at all?
Would you care to be hacked to death in a bath
Gunned down in shopping mall?
Or is poison a little more your cup of tea
Would you like to be stabbed in the back?
Or crushed to death in a garbage truck
Inside a black plastic sack?

How would I like to be murdered?
Well I've thought about it a lot
The very idea of being snuffed out
Makes me wonderfully horny and hot.
I'd love to be lynched by a Nazi mob
Strung up by the neck till I come
Or chained to a bed and smothered to death
Beneath a Mistress's bum.

But who wants to be eaten by crocodiles
Or die making love to their aunt?
Who could think that arousing?
I, for the life of me, can't
But holding a gun will make a man hard
So it's all just a matter of taste
Should death be the sexiest thing that we do?
It's always a shame to waste.

Some yearn to be horribly, tragically killed
Others might not be so keen
Like an innocent child who steps on a mine
And is blown to a smithereen
Yet all of us pleasure ourselves with the dream
Of a wake, and the tears that are shed
By our selfish, remorseful, dearest of friends
As we lie in our coffins; dead.

Daniel Guy

06/03