Alfred Muggins' Dream of Temptation by Alfred N.Muggins

30/10/24
  Alfred Muggins, who had somehow stumbled through time and into the Holy Land, probably because he had been thinking about it far too much recently, due to the savage fighting and missile attacks in the modern Holy land. Perhaps it was a dream, but it seemed very real to him at the time! Needless to say he found himself in the desert and long before 40 days, he found he was having visions of tablecloths filled with foods of all kinds, coming down from heaven. The Devil said to him,”if you think you might be the son of God or at least a wizard, why don’t you try to turn those stones into bread, or even into more succulent foods. Alfred went for it, waving his imaginary magic wand. And lo, the stones did indeed turn into bread, and a mightly feast spread out before him. He was rather impressed with himself and and considered what a marvelous feast he might offer his loved one, Mrs Muggins, when she next deigned to visit him?

  Alfred had no desire to cast himself down off the temple, because he did not trust angels, How could he ever be sure that they would be there to help if he did test them. He wouldn’t even be able to trust Mrs Muggins, his personal angel, who had so often and in so many diverse ways come to his aid. In such a scenario, as she would probably be distracted on her phone, or doing good works for someone else, or be saving cats just when he needed her. He would not put either the Lord, or himself, or Mrs Muggins to the test.

  But when the Devil took him to the high mountain and he saw all the Kingdoms of the World spread out before him, he wanted them all, and felt like Napoleon, or Alexander the Great, or even the Zionists of later times, and like them all was sorely tempted. He would like nothing better than to hang out in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, to frolic with Eve in the Garden of Eden, eating apples to his heart’s content, to manage the workers of Egypt, and have a Temple (or a pyramid?)raised to his honour.
(Someone Somewhere in Summertime, by his favourite Scots the Simple Minds was playing magnificently in the background!) 
22/11/24
  So Alfred came out of the desert after informing the devil that he wished not to starve himself any longer, not for anyone, and that he would like to take a shot at running some of the Kingdoms of the world.
  And the Devil spake to him again and said, "and which Kingdoms of the world would you most like to govern, and have at your beckoning and calling?”
  “Well which ones can I have?” he asked, quite seriously, because the Devil had made him feel he could have anything he wanted, that the world was indeed his oyster!
 "Well let me see," said the Devil checking his gift list. "You can have Palestine if you want, as that is just where we are now, Although it isn’t quite as profitable as some of the Empires I could tempt you with. It is currently occupied by a very greedy bunch of fat Romans, who are receiving a tidy tribute from the whole of the Mediterranean region and beyond, but you could quite easily have it if you pretend you are taking it back for the people who belong there. I would advise you to claim descendence from the great David who defeated the giant Philistine Goliath and various other opponents and his wise son, Solomon, who must have been very wise because he soon led a wide empire and became very rich. Make a few alliances with people who want to get their own back against the Romans, and persuade the Jewish authoritees that you are genuinely more religious than them and are really chosen by God. You might have to fight a few battles with the Romans, but as long as you keep safe yourself, you will survive to resurrect a Kingdom which was very effective in its day."

  "Alternatively you can have the future land called America. I think you, with your 20th and 21st century origins, might be interested in that one? Do you know it?"
  "Of course I know it well. Well, not that well, because it is a bit of a contradiction, that place, which calls itself the land of the free, but has more people tied to the wheels of industry and unrestrained capitalism than anywhere, but I have been there twice actually!
  "Don’t tell me its up for grabs too?"

  "It is most definitely up for grabs," said the Devil, "The current rising star has all the greed he needs, but we’re not quite sure he’s really qualified for the job, although he very much pretends he is! Anyway,it just might be that you could do a better job than him, because he’s about to crash the economy and show his voters and minions just how stupid they were to put their faith in him!"