Secret Job Description (Modern Jobs)

Job application, what is this application?

What does it mean, is it for real?

There aren’t many job titles in this day and age that make much sense.

This one leaves you guessing.

What could it be? What do they mean?

Why do they imagine that hundreds of people are going to apply for this poor job, so sadly described? Would you apply for something so vaguely titled and meaningless.

Shame upon you managers for coming up with a title so uninspiring and undescriptive.

 

Is it any wonder no one wants the job!

The only applications received were those from those people who like to send large quantities of applications,

to satisfy job centre rules, to show they are actively looking for work,

even if they don’t really want to work,

or have their sights on something far higher or more unique.

You would have to be unique to want this job.

 

It sounds like the employer wanted to keep the job a secret.

Only specialists, experts in the field

(whatever that was, if you have the nouse and foresight to understand what the job description actually means)

You would have to be a graduate,

probably three times over to understand what this job’s really about.

What did you see yourself doing in ten years Nigel, when you’re fully educated?

Did you fancy yourself trying your hand at this little gem?

“No I wanted to be a rock star, of the meanest kind, a leader of men, a magnet of women, with a job title to brag about, something I could hold my head up high at and be satisfied with, a man doing man’s work, a graduate showing off his brain, or at least exercising it.”

 

George Orwell invented Newspeak,

the language of the state, words to inspire, words to hide the reality,

and bury the past, in a haze of propaganda.

But business has created worse,

words to hide the job they advertise,

words to confuse the applicant,

to make them tongue tied in the interview,

because they really haven’t got a clue,

what on earth they’re applying for.

 

Come on business. Wake up! Pull your socks up.

If you want little Johnny to be enthusiastic and join your team you’ve really got to make it more attractive.

Make him want the job!

 

The NHS is short of doctors. I wonder why?

Could it be that no one wants to work under high pressure,

with no limit on working hours with no end in sight.

It could be that it’s just a little bit too much for modern citizens to take on,

because there is no work/life balance in the contract.

The same for nurses, working in the hospitals.

They don’t want to do extra shifts

because there weren’t enough places for more trainees on the training courses,

or because everybody’s leaving, going to Australia, or Canada or the States,

because it might pay better.

 

The managers are begging the foreigners to come in,

desperately hoping Brexit doesn’t stop them,

so that vacancies can be filled.

Anything difficult, or tough, unskilled or uncomplaining, the British don’t want to do.

They run a mile from the real jobs, so the managers look to foreign shores to make up the shortfall. Instead of making the jobs attractive to the British, by turning them into pleasant jobs,

they entice the foreigners to fill the gaps in the British workforce, because they don’t mind a challenge. They will give up ordinary life, ordinary pleasures, for the money and the opportunities.

They will sell their souls even if we the British won’t.

 

Everyone’s trying to get away.

The workplace isn’t the same as it used to be.

New managers crept in, they took over without anybody noticing,

and they’ve got everybody jumping up and down, and falling over themselves to keep the top jobs, before they get deselected and phased out, put out to grass, or pensioned off.

Everybody’s jumping ship, downsizing to a nice little job that doesn’t pay as well.

But at least they can sleep at night, and see their wife or husband and the kids in the evenings.