Deep Blue Darkness

Sometimes I dream of the ocean. That deep blue darkness. It’s how I see it in my dreams, unknowable, vast, untameable. I can’t explain it but somehow it feels safe, familiar. The dark water like a blanket, like home, warm, safe, holding me weightless as I drift. It doesn’t make sense, but then dreams seldom do. Since my brother went missing my parents forbade me to swim. They think he drowned. We live right near the sea, the smell of salt always clings to my clothes. Will loved to walk there, bare foot along the sand. I remember his voice calling through the house, same as on any other day. ‘I’m heading down to the beach for a walk.’ But this time he never came back. I would hear mom crying at night when she thought no one could hear her.
Its been nearly three years now since Will disappeared. Today would have been his twenty first birthday. I thought of him as I sat brooding, watching the ocean from my usual perch on a wave smoothened rock. It was hypnotic, the constant shift of the water rushing to break on the sand and pulling away again. The strong breeze took the edge of the summer heat, and the sun set a dazzling glint to the water. I closed my eyes and took a slow deep breath, attempting to shake the black mood.