This ol' house ..

I've been thinking about sorting out my house. Again, it's the problem of where to start. In the bathroom. No? What about that kitchen. The outside needs sorted too, and l must get a new fence over in 'messy corner', as l call it. Loads of tangled overgrowth that used to be rose bushes, and bits of hangin' bits.

What's happened over the many, many years is that l end up being overwhelmed by underwhelming workmen.

Those big, fat bellied guys who huff and puff up a few stairs, wheezing as they lick the end of their wee pencil. Yeah, like you're going to manage bending without having a cardiac arrest. Also, why do the young dudes need a pit bull in a white van passenger seat. Makes you wonder.

I managed to find a painter through a chat with my neighbour, a couple of right cheeky ones they are, too, but l now have the exterior of my house looking stunning, and handing over a good few quid for that, he recommended a nice landscaping lad who did indeed, do what he said at our initial meeting. I look out to a beautifully trimmed tree, a new high fence, and no no fox/cats leaping around in my back garden. First time in donkeys years I can actually cut the grass without doing that stepping-on-a-land-mine thing.

The plumber l ran into at the dentist surgery didn't bother turning up after giving me his card, but l met one in a paper shop buying a Sun newspaper. I suppose plumbers don't take a 'Guardian', and he's got a mate, Wee Tam, who's a tiler. Wee Tam's dad's retired, but still fits carpets like a 30 year old. Job done.

However. All l've been asked to do is .. choose what bath, sink, tap, plug, shower, screen, floor, paint, colour, blinds, bath panel, tile, border, whew, and we're ready to rock an' roll. Not a problemo. Em, wait a minute. Now, where DID l put that catalogue ..