The Sun Walks at Night

By destiny_brown97

Mon, 07 Aug 2017
  • 445 reads
2 comments
 

I see the moon I see the stars

How ungrateful all these children are

Burning glow in the distant sky

The heavens are not as quick as I

 

Who is this God please tell me now

If I meet him I’ll renounce my vow

Until then don’t speak his name

An unheard shadow of transparent drain

 

The distant life, the endless universe

We give you all yet we are a curse

When Saturn sings what do you hear

Not the rings of her ripened tear

 

If all is true in that solemn book

I shall go quiet and give all you took

Behold all great things in my view

But yet these children view it askew

 

So I’ll tell you this my dearest crown

You must view the world upside down

Cuz if you don’t; you’ll miss it all

And I can’t save you from the icefall!!!

 

 

 

Certificate PG
Poem

Comments

Submitted by airyfairy on

Hello! Welcome to ABC Tales.  I've enjoyed reading both the poems you've posted.  There is such vivid imagery and passion.  For me, this one is the stronger, except for the last stanza and especially the last two lines.  They just don't feel as carefully thought out as the rest.  Exciting to read your work, and I look forward to seeing more.

Submitted by destiny_brown97 on

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate this so much! But you are definitely right; the last stanza wasn't as thought out. Creating a title and also concluding my writing is the most challenging part for me.