Was It

It was worth it, if only for the ride.  The price was high and still takes it's toll but there is a cost for everything and the twisted wreckage left in the wake is what it is.   Foggy thoughts and delusions of grandeur can lead to greatness as it has for so many truly remarkable individuals but it takes more then a dream.  For every Leonardo DeViance there are thousands that took their chances and failed, paying dearly for it.  Failure is not the end no matter how dEep the hole.   The current always corrects it's self.  There are some forces greater then the pull of the moment or the consequence of the action.   Waking up in a cold sweat trying to figure out the difference between reality and the latest installment of, what i have come to call, best/worst.  That few seconds of clarity just before you realize what you were actually asking and the true price that comes with those questions.  Asking things of people that you know they cannot give seems a curl and selfish thing to all parties.  All to often it just can't be helped, nor should it.  I'm wrong though and what's worse, i absolutely know it.  There is no ever-after here, there is  clarity and remorse for what was know from step one and ignored to completion.   It takes a special kind of one track mind to seek whatsoever it was that drove me to do what i did, what i do and what i can only hope for the future.   The petty and narrow minded outlooks presented here are not meant to be viewed as anything more then exactly what they are, the epic inner struggle of the human condition in it's not so rare form.  There is no catcher on the cliff of life, sorry J.D..  Take the leap but have a drink first.   The fall is always better after a cocktail so drink it up and leave caution where it belongs.