Quiet nights of quiet stars,
Quiet chords from my guitar,
Floating on the silence that surrounds us.
Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams,
Quiet walks by quiet streams,
And a window looking out on the mountains and the sea, how lovely!
This is how I where I want to be,
Here with you so close to me,
Until the final flicker of life's ember.
I who was lost and lonely,
Believing life was only,
A bitter tragic joke have found with you,
The meaning of existence, oh my love.
Antonio Carlos Jobim.
English translation Gene Lees
In my mind you are naked under starlight, as you have always been, as you will always be. The patchy darkness tries to obscure your form but I know it far too well to be misled.
You are a road I have travelled a thousand times. I know the freckles on your back; the mole on your left buttock and the solitary coarse hair that grows and regrows on your left breast, near your insanely responsive nipple. I love all these vistas equally.
I know the sounds you make when you are aroused; how your voice modulates when you ‘want’; the sound you make as you try, unsuccessfully, not to cry at the end of a romantic movie.
I have watched you, unobserved, singing in the garden. I feel I have glimpsed your soul. I believe it to be a good soul regardless of what the world and circumstances have tried to make of you.
I have seen you cry for anger, in apoplectic rage, in wild carefree happiness; the anguish of bereavement and the ecstasy of lovemaking. I love your tears in all their forms for they are badges of your humanity.
The distant music brings you back to me, if only for a moment. Your body in motion, from the sedate slow dances of family functions to the sultry Argentinean Tango and the wild abandoned sex that always occurred after class at the first convenient place we could. The ‘dance’ of seduction you performed each night as you readied yourself for bed; a ritual cleansing of face and body, teeth cleaning and hair brushing before you allow your nightdress to fall from your shoulders and become my wanton lover again.
I miss you.