His breath tasted of the vodka that the three of us had been drinking, but underneath there was the tang of something sharp. I brushed my lips across his, my tongue moving over the soft and smoothness of them and then prickled by the sandpaper-like roughness of the stubble on his check. Again I brushed my lips over his but again he didn’t respond. It was like kissing a beautiful, flesh and blood warm statue, but a statue all the same.
I pushed my tongue at his lips and for a moment they remained closed, as solid as any locked door, and then in a moment of surprise they opened and my tongue was able to slip into that beautiful mouth with its white and almost perfect teeth. Inside, I swirled my tongue around and stroked it over those almost perfect teeth, but only once around that mouth.
Seb, with a backward jerk of his head, broke off our kiss leaving me almost hanging in mid-air, my mouth open like a lost goldfish. I snapped my eyes open and my mouth closed.
“Sorry mate, I didn’t feel anything. It was all right but not for me,” Seb said.
“What nothing?” Lisa replied, her face actually falling.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Not even a little swelling to your cock?” Lisa said, staring at him.
“Nothing, it didn’t even twitch. Sorry Nick, nothing personal but it isn’t for me,” Seb said.
“No hard feelings,” I said, as I shifted around on the sofa trying to get comfortable again. There wasn’t much room inside my underwear for my own excitement.
Lisa had invited me there that night to meet her new boyfriend, the very pretty Seb. She obviously wanted to show him off to me, and Seb was certainly pretty. His blonde hair was cut into a very flattering, floppy fringed style. His chin was graced with dark blonde and carefully trimmed stubble. His bright and opened face seemed to almost command the room, always drawing your eyes back to them. His lean body rippled with just the right amount of muscles to give him attractive definition, which I could easily see through his skin-tight, ribbed tee-shirt. But, as the evening progressed, I soon saw Lisa wasn’t just proud of her pretty boyfriend, she was also insecure about him.
As the wine flowed, it was Lisa who brought up the subject of “gay experiences” and she actually seemed shocked when he said he hadn’t even kissed another man. As we moved onto drinking vodka shots Lisa’s questions became more insistent, ending with her suggestion to Seb:
“Go on, kiss Nick.”
“What?” Seb was lounging back on an armchair with his groin thrust forward as a he sat. With his legs open his whole posture seemed to drag my eyes to that groin.
“You’ve never kissed a man, Nick’s here and he’s gay, why don’t you kiss him? How do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never done it,” Lisa said, staring straight at him.
“Will this turn you on?” He asked.
“It might?” She smiled at him.
(I felt as if I was invisible then, in the middle of their flirting, and for a moment I felt embarrassingly uncomfortable)
“I’m fucking game!” Seb said with a sudden burst of energy. He then jumped up from his armchair and the next moment he was sat next to me on the sofa. “Come on, pucker up,” he said to me.
Then I kissed him.
As I left Lisa’s flat, not long after that kiss, it was her who showed me out, Seb was left still lounging on the sofa. On the flat’s doorstep Lisa had whispered to me:
“Thanks for that.”
“For what?” I whispered back.
“I was really worried about Seb. I mean, he’s so pretty that I couldn’t believe that he wasn’t just a little bit gay, a bit bisexual. You know what I mean. Well you kissing him has really put my mind at rest. He didn’t react at all, not a flicker. I really feel happy now, he’s all mine. Thanks Nick, you’re a real friend,” she lightly kissed me on the check.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered back, it was all I could think of to say.
Everything should have ended there but with my dumb luck of course it didn’t. Lisa was one of the craziest of my friends, only she could be worried that her new boyfriend was gay because he was so pretty, only she could have arranged for the three of us to get drunk together so she could get him to kiss me and she could watch his reaction. Why she couldn’t have the usual worries someone in a new relationship has is beyond me. Lisa is fun but crazy as the day is long.
Two days later, a very dull Friday night, I took myself off to The Twelve Inch. It’s the cheapest of pick-up joints I know but I’m single and I get so horny. So I’d showered, put on one of my best tee-shirts and a faded pair of jeans, topped it off with my black leather jacket, and took myself off there. It’s a twenty minute walk from where I live but it’s certainly not my “regular” bar, that would be far too much of an admission of failure. I arrived just before midnight, The Twelve Inch is not the place to arrive early at, and I had started on the first of my three drinks. I always have three drinks to get me in the mood for cruising there.
I was finishing my first drink when I heard someone calling my name:
“Nick? Nick? Didn’t think I’d see you here.”
I turned towards the voice and found it was Seb. He was dressed in ripped jeans and black ribbed tee-shirt; his blonde hair gelled back over his head, now making his face seem so much stronger. He was again smiling at me.
“I come here occasionally,” I told him.
I was so surprised to see him here that my mind seemed to miss a beat and I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Me too, you know how it is,” he said.
“But why are you here?” I said, as my mind found its feet again.
“I’ve come here for cock, same as you.”
“But I kissed you and you didn’t enjoy it.”
“I did enjoy it, you made me so hard, but I couldn’t say that in front of Lisa. She’s so hung-up that I might be a little gay. If I’d told her how much it had turned me on she’d have gone on and on about it. I like things the way they are, her thinking that I’m a hundred percent straight so that I can slip away for some cock whenever I want it,” he was leaning on the bar now, his body achingly close to mine. I could see the tiny blonde hairs at the nape of his throat, see his pink tongue moving over his lips as he spoke, smell his un-scented odour. His physical presence was far more intoxicating then the drink in my hand. Instantly I was fully aroused.
“Oh, right,” I said. Now it was that intoxicating lust throwing my mind once more off track.
“Yeah,” his lips were over my mouth and this time he was kissing me.
Once again his breath tasted sharp but this time the sharpness of beer, though it was only a momentary concern. His kiss was passionate, almost intense, as he pushed his lips hard against my own. His had parted my lips the moment they had touched and was now exploring the inside of my mouth. His lips pressed and pushed at my own, almost trying to eat away at my lips, again and again pushing his passion at me. Seconds later his hand found my groin, with a rough jolt pushing between my legs and equally roughly exploring at what he found there. Even though my jeans remained firmly closed it was as if his hand had already initiated sex between us.
With a monumental force of will I stepped back and broke the physical contact between us, though my body seemed to scream out in anger and demand that contact back.
“I can’t do this. This is way too fucked up,” the words tumbled out of my mouth with the taste of his spit still on my tongue.
“Nick, it’s only a shag. You’re horny and so am I,” he said.
“God no,” I mumbled and turning my back on him and almost running out of there. I couldn’t have stayed and reasoned with him, the physical pull of his so attractive body would have rapidly driven any willpower out of my mind. I had to just get away from there and fast.
When I arrived back at my flat it had started to spit with rain, the first drops falling onto me as I opened my front door; but at least the painful erection had gone from inside my pants. I staggered over my threshold as a wave of depression hit me. God, what had I done? I turned down sex with a man as handsome as Seb, a chance that didn’t always fall my way, but also how could I ever face Lisa again? How I could hide from her that her irrational fear was actually true. God, what a mess.
I fall down onto my sofa, not even bothering to take off my jacket or boots, and just stared into the darkness of the room. I must have fallen asleep sometime in the early of the morning, sat there. Late the next morning I wake up still slumped on the sofa and still fully dressed, with a burning cramp in the back of my neck.