Loss Of Innocence

I don’t want to hear the door shut,
or the springs give way under you
I feel your skin on mine
can smell the mint sauce you had
on your lamb for dinner
I want to shut down
and block the signals of shame.
He calls me pretty,
his beautiful princess,
the only girl he ever wanted.
I can hear mum grumbling in her sleep.
It’s time to play a game, what shall we play?
Statues in the night.
The door shuts and
the light disappears again.
Reaching for the teddy you gave me,
no tears escape and my body curls up
arms and legs like a snail’s shell,
my stomach gurgles and lungs empty.
Mum always said that crying washes
the bad things away,
but I can’t cry tonight.
Tonight was the tenth time.