Twists in a Tale

Malcolm Twist,
A contortionist
Took a turn for the worse one day

He rubbed his eye
With his inner thigh
And stuck quite fast that way

Said Mrs Twist
I’ll not be kissed
By a man with his lips near his bum

Said poor Malcolm
I’ll use talcum
Then maybe you’ll give me some?

And Sylvia said
You’re off your head
We’ve been married twenty years

Sex is not quite
What I want, alright?
Now where are those pruning shears?