When I Died...

When I Died...
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A few days ago I committed the most awful sin in the bible. I'm not sure if God would forgive me for what I had done. I'm not even sure if there was really a God out there, but when I felt the energy leave my body and my veins began to hurt I came to realize something. I'm finally happy that I done this. Why am I happy? Even through my body was slowly dying, and my soul was now bonded to the earth we all walk upon I'm free. Free from the pain that the world caused me. No one would miss me. No one would cry over me at all. My soul can finally rest in peace. That part was wrong...I'm wrong at that part. I have a step father. He's the only person I have with me or had, but I hate him and I'm sure he hates me all the same. He blamed me for my mother's death. She died in a house fire a few years ago because she ran back inside the flaming house trying to find me. I felt guilty, watching the house colasping down in ashes and smoke. I remembered the tears that I cried and the screams that I screamed for her to come back. I'm outside.

Each and everynight since then my step father beats me. Child abuse was the new term for it. He was drunk and I couldn't get away from him. I have no friends...since the accident of my mother's death and at times I wanted to kill myself right on the spot. But I stopped myself thinking of mom. She wouldn't want this. She sacrifice her life for mine. But that thought didn't stop me today. The beating had got worse and when the beer bottle crashed ontop of my head almost blacking me out instantly, I felt the blood pouring down my head and the pain soon came. My step father's grunted telling me to get up and stop faking. I couldn't help to reach for the broken shard of glass and cut my life away. When I was young I sometimes feared death, but I wished that when I died I will meet up with my family that passed away before. I felt so hopeless...So dead. So alone. The pain wouldn't go. Now staring down at my pale body, all signs of life fading fast. I kind of wish I haven't but I can't handle this anymore. I feel numb...without pain. This was what I wanted. I know I should be afraid after seeing my body before me covered in crimson liquid. I'm dead...and yet I felt so alive.