Worldwide Admire Your Own Genitals Day

Now, it just so happens that today is the day for doing stuff that there is no other special day for. Only yesterday, for example, was National Staring At Cheese Day. So, no doubt you spent several deeply-fulfilling hours gazing in awe at a Wensleydale, or - for the more daring - at a Double Gloucester with Chives and Onion.

Tomorrow is - of course - the fiftieth Annual Worldwide Admire Your Own Genitals Day, a time for otherwise busy people throughout the world* to take one day off in order to have a long lingering look at their own genitalia.

Several national newspapers throughout this country, for example have jumped on the bandwa... er... have joined in the fun by stating that with tomorrow's editions they will be giving away long-handled mirrors especially designed for self-genital contemplation. For the less fortunately endowed, the NHS is giving away special magnifying glasses for the day.

The following day is - at least in the UK - National Bite A Stranger's Ankle Day, where we will see footage on the Evening News of the traditional ceremony where all the leaders of the major political parties from throughout the British Isles all line up to be bitten on the ankle by senior members of the Royal Family. Not forgetting the traditional Tupping-on-the-Marsh Tormountrisehill Hill Ankle-Biting Festival, where sometimes as many as seven people gather on the hilltop to bit each other's ankles in a ceremony dating back to the days of Mick Jagger.

*Apart from those in strict Uttabollux countries, of course, where even being in the same room as your own genitals is strictly Nhastistuff (forbidden).