Grey Ice

I can't seem to let you go.
I remember too many things.
I cry.

Can you feel all the pain in those two words above and below?

I cry.

As I did in front of you.

Pride thrown away.
If you had asked me the definition of Pride, I wouldn't have been able
to answer.
How smart would you have thought I was then?

At that moment in time, I felt newborn.
I didn't know anything...except the feeling of being unloved by
you.

And after it all, I was angry with you.
Though I never ever hated you.
Couldn't hate someone so versatile.
You do swing with ease.
Like you've no cares.

You once did.
But I am a fool who used them up.
Once, you were in love with me.
I...am still in love with you.

And maybe the word "dieing" is part of a silly metaphor that could be
used here, but it feels like I am.

How it feels like I am.

Everyday you wake with me after each night of dreaming with me...
and you don't even know it.

You are such a part of my being.
I didn't think that I could feel like this.
I didn't think..that I would ever have to feel anything that felt as
bad as when you told me that you were not in love with me
anymore.

I took you for granted.
The worst case of it.
You worked your way into me.
I didn't want you to.
But you did.
You didn't want to.
But you did.

And for what, my lost love?
We have lost it all.

Friendship.

Gone.

Love ...... blank. Destitute. from you.
From me... pain that agonizes and defeats my mind.
I struggle and the tears still come.

They still come.

I don't know how I managed to make it home.
I pulled over once to sleep.
Just once.

The tears had swollen my eyes and I couldn't see.
I wanted to shut them and never open them again at that time.

I am sitting in a puddle of "shock".
My heart feels frozen.

Grey ice..the constant color of my eyes.
One touch from you.

Send my heart to shatter against a lavendar wall.
Get it over with.

I was angry. I had no right.
I was mistaken.
I pushed too far.
This is the end...isn't it?
Forever?

Forever is so long.
I don't want forever if it is without you.

ASMHAIZ*)? Copyright 2001