An afternoon

I float in
I float in on a raft of escapism
The wind on my back
Sun sightedly, for I had had
a great escape this afternoon
(a trip to the movies with my mother)

From the postoffice I came,
the hurried sending of a package for
my cousin. A normality.
(he may have seen the address "from" and frowned. or not seen it at all and frowned yet more).

Running through the rain I ran
like a child like the child I
want to be again, ever
sun-sighted, I'm painting
memory I know but
for me to have felt this agony
of existence - no - no -

Stop.

I float in, nervous about being
four minutes late.

Darkened corridor, it's the rain and clouds that
makes it so.

Locked door - man - policeman - nurse -
locked door - open - open door
next door - open door and open veins in the sink - there's blood.

It flows through us all you know. Only skin separates, skin that can be torn.

I cycled next to her today,
proud of my achievement -
34 calories.

But how do you help a life to live
How do we help, attempts frutstrated,
talk of attempts hypocrisy for I haven't tried to help and if I try I may well fail.

I floated in
and even now, my heart beats
for its own amusement, my
neighbour in pain.
We're all in pain and want out.
Proud Proud Proud
Pretend Paradise and
I'm the Queen.

No, I'm only a bee in a hive
struggling, the Queen's hidden
for a while but I trust I'll
find her I trust I'll find
her we'll embrace and
work on and
work hard and
help, really help.