A Close Shave - Part 9 - A Craven Danger Mystery
Thelma Theodoracopulos was not enjoying the company of the man who came by for one of her special readings.
“No, my good friend,” said Thelma. “I have explained this many times in the past and I will tell you once again in this future time. I do not want your goat. I do not want your sack of oats. And I most especially do not want your false teeth. I am not what you call a pawn shop. It was ten dollars yesterday. It is ten dollars today, and, if I have my very own way, it will be twenty dollars tomorrow. And that will be in genuine American currency. No lire, deutsche marks or yen. Coin or paper money. It makes no matter to me. Now please to be getting that stinky beast out of my bed. The smell is wanting to make me vomit my strudel.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I don’t want to be late for a very important coffee with my landlords from up above. I am to meet this Craven Danger fellow."
When the old man had left, Thelma slipped out of her silk robe and stood naked before her armoire.
“Let’s see, oh voluptuous one,” said Thelma. “Orange peasant skirt. White blouse. Purple Afghan robe. What a sight you will be, dear woman. They are sure to be loving me now. I am many times adorable.”
Thelma climbed the cellar stairs and swung open the door that led to the Danger’s back yard.
Sidney Green had his cab parked in front of the Danger house and was walking FDR when he saw Thelma come out of the darkness.
“You lost, lady?” said Sidney. “Ya don’t look like your from around here. Ya look sort of imported.”
“Ah, you have the gift,” said Thelma.
“The gift?” said Sidney. “I don’t getcha.”
“You can see what other people do not,” said Thelma. “You are going places my big, handsome man. Please, allow me to give you my card.”
The card read: Thelma Theodoracopulos - Fortune Telling and Miscellaneous Satisfactions
”Miscellaneous Satisfactions?” said Sidney. “What is that exactly?”
“It’s a wonderful surprise,” said Thelma. “After spending five dollars for Thelma’s services, you will be sure to be begging for more of my time. I am one hundred percent guaranteed satisfaction.”
“I love surprises,” said Sidney. “but I’d be very much surprised if I found anything close to five dollars in my pockets.”
“You want I should help you look?” said Thelma. “I’m very good with my hands.”
“No thanks,” said Sidney, “I’m waiting for some friends, and they should be out very soon. So my time is very short at the moment. Maybe some other time. I’d really like to know what the future has in store for old Sidney.”
“If you come back, Mr. Sidney,” said Thelma. “I can but promise you there will be many moments of pleasure in your future. Hope to see you soon, my sweet, handsome man.”
Sidney watched as Thelma Theodoracopulos made her way to the Danger’s front door.
“Ya know, FDR,” said Sidney. “I think that Thelma was makin’ a pass at me. She’s not the only one who’s good at sensin’ things. Now, come on, FDR. One more time around the block.”