Craven Gets Flashed 25

It’s been a long hiatus, folks, and we’ll return to the Craven Danger Radio Hour in a moment, but first a word from our sponsor:

”Don’t have an ending for that story? Has the state of the world gotten you down? Does your mundane life selling aluminum siding make you wonder where it all went wrong?

”Well, my friends, why don’t you drop-kick that sorry frown to the moon and light up a Visionary cigarette! Take it from your old pal Mel Croton, the good people at the Visionary Tobacco Company have only one thing on their agenda: Your peace of mind. And once you’ve inhaled their refreshing blend of the choicest southern grown tobaccos, you’ll soon be wondering why your folks never laid a pack on the table along side that bowl of porridge.

”Inhale a Visionary, and you’re sure to take a child-like delight in surrendering to a temptation that not only satisfies, but is so darn good for your mental well-being. So, remember, let the rest of the world crumble in despair. It’s not your fault they’re not all smoking a Visionary!

”Just take a listen to these testimonials from our splendid cast of characters; beginning with the delightful Betty Feltcher.”

“I spend a lot of quiet time smoking on the roof, Mel. And if you had a boss like mine you’d umderstand. Just me and the pigeons. Mr. Danger hates pigeons. Which suits me just fine. I’ve even considered moving my desk to the coop. The cooing soothes my nerves and keeps Mr. Danger out of my hair. But nothing soothes my nerves as well as a Visionary. Non-filtered and delicious. That and a martini, and I’m drunk on the moon.”

”Ah, Betty. Dr. Freud could not have said it any better. And speaking of delicious—“

“If I were you, Mel, I’d put those eyes back in your head. Now, mister!”

”Oh, that Betty! What a hoot! Now let’s see what our hero Craven Danger has to say for himself.”

“I only smoke on the fire escape, Mel. And if you‘ve ever met my secretary you’d be out that window doing more than smoking a pack of Visionary’s; you’d be good and drunk as well. She’d have had Hitler stuttering.”

”Ha. Ha. Mr. Danger and his riotous sense of humor! What a card! And I think that sparkly young scamp of a photographer is anxious to say a few words. Jenny?”

“Who you calling a scamp? You better take that back or else!”

“Or else what?”

FLASH!

”Ah, geez, my eyes! You sure are a corker, Miss Jenny Wilkins. And since I can’t see who else is in line for a testimonial I’ll bid you all a good night and return you to the Craven Danger Radio Hour!”

“Might I have a go at it, Mr. Croton?”

”I can’t see him, ladies and gentleman, but I’d know that mellifluous baritone anywhere. Please welcome our old friend Kenny, the Yorkville dry cleaner! Hello, Kenny! Or should I be saying ‘ello, Mr. ‘Olmes?”

“Hello, Mr. Holmes will suffice, dear sir. When in Rome, you know. I’m a pipe man myself. And if you’ve ever lounged on a settee and lit up a bowl of my special blend you’d be a visionary, as well. Why, it was only last week that I was walking arm in arm with Odin in Valhalla.“

“No doubt smoking a Visionary! Am I right, Kenny? Ha. Ha. Where would Kenny be without his pipe? Filled with Visionary’s finest aromatic pipe tobacco!”

“I’d sooner smoke Watson’s mustache, Mel. I cultivate my own special blend in a little garden on the roof. It’s—”

“It is, Kenny! It’s back to the Craven Danger Radio Hour! This has been Mel Croton speaking on behalf of the Visionary Tobacco Company. Smoke a Visionary today and you’ll soon see many tomorrows!”

Photo courtesy of Wiki Commons:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Philco_cathedral_radio.jpg