The Hunchback at the Keyboard

The following is a speech given by Mr. HudsonMoon, marking his 200th posting on ABCTales.com.

But a few choice words about the speech, posted fifty years ago today. Mr. Moon had first given the speech a trial run, he would tell me several years later, as we sipped our mugs of ale and chatted about his mental disorders.

“I had first given the speech at my local library in Cold Spring, New York,” he began. “No one knew I was coming, so it was a great surprise to them to find me sitting among the toddlers during a selected reading of the beloved classic, Winnie the Pooh.

“I, of course, waited patiently for the librarian to finish her recitation before I boldly drew their attention by placing the palm of my right hand under my left arm pit and flapping my wing until the desired flatulent tone was achieved and sent echoing throughout the Honey Jar reading room. The children’s laughter was contagious, though it didn’t seem to have the same affect on the librarian, who appeared less than grateful for my presence.”

I chuckled into my warm ale as Mr. Moon related his delightful tale. Wishing only that I had the courage to be so spontaneous and daring. How fortunate, indeed, am I to be blessed with being the official biographer of such a man.

“When I had their attention,” he continued, “I withdrew my typed speech from my hip pocket and demanded silence from a particularly rambunctious two-year-old who saw fit to yank off his Superman Underoos and fling the odious thing at my head.

I ducked in the nick of time, bringing to mind fond memories of my years in the Dodge Ball League. Where, of course, I achieved great renown. But that tales for another time.

“The rapscallion’s mother did apologize for the Underoos incident and when the waters were once again calm I began my speech:

My fellow Scribes! This will be my 200th piece posted on AbcTales. More than some. Not as much as many. But certainly an achievement for me. I started posting here in the year of our lord 2004. Posting a grand total of fourteen tales. Thirteen of which were posted on the same day. 13 September, 2004. So overwhelming the editorial staff that they demanded a revision of the rules.

But since thirteen stories a day was my normal output I had no alterative but to leave the site in a huffy manner. Returning but once on September the 28th of the same year. That was the day my mind went on strike and stopped working altogether until 7 June 2007. That year I posted but two tales. After which the attendants discovered my whereabouts and returned me to the hospital. Where I was to remain until 7 March 2011. I have been happily enjoying my time at AbcTales ever since.

And the doctors say it’s only a matter of time before I’m feel completely at ease with normal people. But I tell them he can keep his normal people. And although they may try to deter me, I will continue my association with AbcTales.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And good day!

The speech received a standing ovation from the Pooh set, who would one day grow up reading Mr. Moon’s stories to their own children. No matter the protest.

After Mr. Moon’s demise, it was my great fortune to publish my twelve volume biography of Mr. Moon titled, The Hunchback at the Keyboard. Which is in its fortieth printing.

It has been an honor and a pleasure to be associated with this man of few words. Thirty seven, to be precise. Though he died broke. He was an economist at heart. God rest his soul.

Note: You may have read a current rumor in the papers that all AbcTales posts were actually written by one person, but I’m pretty sure he wrote his own material. He wouldn’t have lied to me. I don’t think.