I Didn't Come This Way, You Know?

I didn’t come this way
You know?

I have to work it
Till I’m just so

I adjust my teeth
Till they’re feelin’ just right

Then a hasty comb-over
In a hundred watt light

I adjust the volume
So I catch every word

Then gargle for hours
Till I sing like a bird

I didn’t come like this
You know?

I have to work it
Till I’m just so

I work in the cream
Till my skin starts to shimmer

Then I stare in the mirror
And wish I were slimmer

I walk down the stairs
And both legs tire

On the weekends I guzzle
Till I grow a spare tire

I didn’t come this way
You know?

I have to work it
Till Im just so

When I come home from work
I’m not feelin’ spry

I plop in my chair
And let out a sigh

When it’s time for bed
My wife coos, ‘Come here, dear’

I’d like to oblige
But my willie just lies there

I didn’t come this way
You know?