Igor's Golden Shovel

This was the speech given by Igor after accepting the Golden Shovel award from the Brotherhood of Dysfunctional Grave-diggers Local 389:

"Hey! I haven't seen this many humps in one place since my last trip to Egypt! Hey! But really . . . I don't know what to say. The Golden Shovel award! Sheeesh! I'm so happy I could split a cadaver! Hey!

"Please allow me a moment to be serious. As I look out over your familiar faces, I see more deserving souls than I. Morty, sitting there in the front row, is a fine example. Of what? I don't know! Morty? Is that your nose or are you eating a penis erectis? Oh! My God! It is a penis erectis! Everyone check your body bags! Morty's on the prowl again! Hey!

"I'm kidding, Morty! Get back in your seat. I forgot, ladies and gentlemen, Morty hasn't had a sense of humor since he was caught doing the pelvic boogie with dear old Mr. Frickle. Rigor mortis hadn't even set in yet, Morty! What were you thinking? He may have still been alive! Eeeeeew!

"Alright, everyone, calm down, calm down! I've written a little poem for the occasion. It goes like this:

Sassafras and moonbeams
Swirling clouds of velvet dust
Foggy moors
A dismal day
Coffin hinges turned to rust -

"Not like poem!" interrupted the creature. "Poem baaad!"

"Hey! Who let you out of the dungeon? This was supposed to be my night!"

Igor left the stage in a huff, and the Frankenstein monster was wildly applauded for his courage and good taste.