In the Empty Nest

They were 95 and 94 years old respectively when they walked into the lawyer's office. They had been married 75 years. The lawyer asked them why they had waited so long to get a divorce.

"We were waiting for the last kid to die. We buried her last week."

"She always thought we were happy."

How long do you hang on for the sake of the kids?

When are kids not kids anymore?

When do men become children.

In the case of the Guys, the kids were all grown up. The youngest was 40 but they had all moved away many years ago. Some were on excovery voyages of their own, unknown to Hugh and Haylen who got only the good news.

Don't want to upset Mom and Dad.

The kids had provided an ongoing dramatic distraction which brought Hugh and Haylen closer together as Mom and Dad. They were the problem solvers. They put the food on the table, the clothes on the backs, the love in the house. The house was full with the kids and the friends of the kids. The only time that Hugh and Haylen had privacy was in the bedroom at night where they would compare notes and prepare for the next onslaught of adolescent angst.

With the kids gone,the Guys had discovered that empty nesting combined with retirement weren't the solutions that society pretended them to be. Haylen subscribed to the "twice the husband, half the money" school of thought on Hugh's retirement. She had enjoyed the first segment of empty nesting when the kids were gone and Hugh was still at work,

When Hugh retired, he became an intruder..screwing up schedules, getting in the way and making messes.

And leaving the goddamned toilet seat up and pissing on the floor and leaving the light on in the bathroom.

At first the bathroom situation was an irritation that required a gentle reminder. The gentle reminders didn't work too well so naturally they became more abrasive. Abrasion didn't work either. Haylen was shooting for perfection. Hugh was far from perfect and his aim was getting worse with age.

He didn't mean to do it. He forgot sometimes.

Haylen would always remind him.

"You left the goddamned toilet seat up again."

Since it was a done deal, there was nothing Hugh could do except tap his forehead with the palm of his hand and vow to be more attentive in the future.

He was not always attentive.

After yet another burst of inattention, Haylen added a toilet seat slam to the equation.

She didn't even bother to say anything anymore.

She slammed that seat.

The only time she said anything was if the light was also left on. Then she would slam the seat and yell out "and you left the goddamned light on too."

Hugh wondered why he had to turn the light on in the first place...if it wasn't on he wouldn't have to turn it off.

Haylen insisted that the light be on.

"if you were the one who cleaned up this bathroom, you'd know why the light needs to be on. I want to make sure that you know where your pee is going instead of pissing in the dark and making an even bigger mess than usual. Turn the light on. Lift the seat. Watch what you're doing. Put the seat back.  Flush the toilet. Turn off the light."

Hugh tried his best but sometimes forgot something.

He would step into the bathroom and get a reminder

"did you turn the light on?'

He hadn't so he did and answered back

"Yeah"

And he felt like a child

Not like a man.