Firehouse Phone Fun (Part One)

If you drive east on Main Street Rochester, you will pass East High School. Continuing on towards Winton Road which is the end of the trail for Main Street, you will pass 6 streets named after states. The first three states past East High are Ohio, Indiana and Illinois. The fourth street is Wisconsin followed by Minnesota and Kansas. On the corner of Main and Wisconsin is Engine 12.

Engine 12 was renowned not only for its firefighting prowess but also for the camaraderie among its crew members. These are the guys that don't stand next to your fire, they run into it and pull your ass out. They spent long hours together, responding to emergencies, conducting drills, and maintaining their equipment. However, downtime wasn't always easy to come by, and the firefighters made the most of it with a little friendly mischief.

One day, while responding to a false alarm involving a cat stuck in a tree, the crew saw an opportunity. After rescuing the feline, they decided to have a little fun. With the cat's owner in on the prank, they staged a scenario where the cat "led" the crew on a wild chase through the neighborhood, with Engine 12's lights flashing and sirens blaring. Onlookers couldn't believe their eyes as the crew pretended to corral the mischievous cat with absurd maneuvers.

As the prank war escalated, it was clear that everyone was fair game. Firefighter Zingle hatched a plan involving a gear swap. Late one night, he stealthily exchanged the boots, helmets, and jackets of his fellow crew members. The next morning, chaos ensued as everyone struggled to squeeze into gear that didn't quite fit. Laughter echoed through the firehouse as the crew attempted to perform their duties while wearing mismatched uniforms.

The prank war at Engine 12 continued, each prank more creative and outrageous than the last. But amidst the laughter and chaos, something unexpected happened: the crew's camaraderie deepened. The pranks, while amusing, served as a reminder that they were more than just colleagues; they were a family. The shared moments of laughter and the bonds formed through these shenanigans made Engine 12 an even stronger team, ready to face any challenge that came their way, whether it was a blazing fire or a mischievous prank.

My father was the Captain of Engine 12 so we were very aware of the ongoing mischief. My brother Deke and his friend Jim decided to get involved. They decided to combine their energy with a tape recorder into a prank involving my Aunt Rose who lived down the street form Engine 12.

Rose had been having a feud with a woman named Kate, who lived on Wisconsin between Rose and Engine 12. The feud had escalated to the point where it was becoming a hot topic on the Wisconsin Street party line, always a radio-active source for gossip and rumor., amid the tension, a unique opportunity emerged—one that could introduce a dose of humor into their well known intramural pissing contest. 

One day, an opportune moment arrived, Deke, armed with a tape recorder and encouraged by the presence of co-conspirator Jim Cook who was on the rise as a prankster and wanted to poke the bear by attempting a prank on the undisputed mistress of mischief, dialed Rose's number. As "Kate", he channeled her whiney and self-pitying voice, aiming to strike the perfect balance between amusement and harmless trickery. He began to speak, weaving in the exaggerated self-pity that he had identified in Kate's previous interactions.

In his fake voice pretending to be Kate, he started to laugh which Rose interpreted as Kate crying. Using the voice of Kate, my brother asked if Rose would give her a ride to the unemployment office. Rose of course had no sympathy nor empathy for "Kate" nor for people on unemployment. However, Rose interpreted the chuckles as sobs, believing that Kate was finally showing vulnerability. This unexpected reaction played right into Deke's hands.Rose refused to help Kate and she ended the conversation by advising Kate to "take a shit for herself,".

Deke taped the conversation. He alerted my father to the existence of the tape. My father loved it. He was the Captain of Engine 12. They edited the tape down to the last five words.  Most of the firefighters knew Rose. She was the sister of my uncle Tommy who was one of the best pranksters (and bravest firefighters) at Engine 12 and had pranked Rose from the Engine and been pranked by Rose. My father called Engine 12 and when John Liparri, a new guy on the team, answered the phone, Dad pressed the play button on Deke's tape recorder which instructed John"go take a shit for yourself "

John Liparri was eager to prove himself amidst the seasoned crew. However, his newcomer status also made him an unwitting target for the crew's pranks. It was in this context that the tape's unexpected playback would set off a series of events. As John listened to the playback of the tape, he couldn't help but sense a familiarity in the voice. The distinct timbre and fiery tone struck a chord within him, triggering his memory. A hunch formed as he remembered past conversations and interactions with Rose. John decided to confide in Uncle Tommy, knowing his reputation as both a prankster and a familiar face in Aunt Rose's history of mischief. With a mix of curiosity and amusement, John recounted the call, emphasizing the unmistakable line that had become a centerpiece of the prank. 

"Your sister just called and told me to take a shit for myself"

Tommy didn't believe John but appreciated the fact that John was pulling a trick on his own and thus furthering the bond of trust between John and his veteran firefighting team members.

With the initial successful call to John Liparri as the catalyst, Deke and Dad couldn't resist the urge to keep the laughter going. They hatched a devious plan, ready to bring Uncle Tommy, a prankster in his own right, into the spotlight. 

As time ticked by, the anticipation grew. When the phone rang again at the firehouse, Uncle Tommy answered, unsuspecting of what was about to transpire. He put the call on speaker. Little did he know that he was about to become the next target of the iconic phrase.

"Take a shit for yourself," the voice on the other end declared once again. The words reverberated through the fire house, catching Uncle Tommy off guard. A moment of realization swept over him as he recognized the  voice on the other end of the call. Mos def, his sister Rose. Within seconds, the firehouse erupted in raucous laughter. The crew members, knowing the history between Uncle Tommy and Aunt Rose, found the prank utterly delightful. Uncle Tommy, despite being on the receiving end this time, couldn't help but join in the laughter.

Then he became concerned. He decided to call Rose.

 

 

Tommy: Hey, Rose, it's Tommy. We got a call earlier that sounded like you. Everything alright?

Rose: Well aside from the pizzas, everythng is fine.

Tommy: Well, someone called and told John Liparri to "take a shit for himself." Sounded a lot like you, Rose.

Rose: I most certainly did not.

Tommy: I believe you, Rose. It's just strange. You sure you didn't dial us by mistake or anything?

Rose: Tommy, you know I'd never do something like that. Besides, I've been busy with my own bullshit today.

Tommy: Alright, alright. Just had to check. You know how things can get around here.

Rose: I understand, but this is truly a surprise to me. Maybe someone's having a laugh at my expense.

Tommy: Well, if they are, it's certainly been entertaining. Take care, Rose.

Rose: You too, Tommy. And if you find out what's going on, let me know.

Tommy: Will do, Rose. Bye now.

The call ended.

Rose became suspicious and called her sister Helen and immediately went on the attack.

Helen: Hello, Rose?

Rose: Helen, I can't believe you!

Helen: What are you talking about?

Rose: Those pizzas, Helen! I know you sent them!

Helen: Pizzas? Rose, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Rose: Oh, come on, Helen! You think you're so clever with your pranks.

Helen: Rose, I swear I didn't send you any pizzas. What's going on?

Rose: Don't play innocent with me. First, the pizzas, and now this prank call. It's just like you!

Helen: Rose, calm down. I honestly have no clue about any of this.

Rose: Oh, spare me the act. I know you're behind this.

Helen: Seriously, Rose, I have no reason to send you pizzas or make prank calls. We're adults.

Rose: Maybe you're trying to get back at me for that cake incident last year.

Helen: That was a year ago! And we settled that, didn't we? With the whoopee cushion?

Rose: This is different, Helen. You've taken it too far.

Helen: Rose, listen to me. I promise you, I had nothing to do with the pizzas or the prank call. So at least that explains why you called me and told me to take a shit for myself.

Rose: What are you talking about.

Helen: Yeah, a couple of minutes before this call, you called and told me to "take a shit for myself."

Rose: Oh, for the love of… That's what this is about? I most certainly did not

Helen: Are you serious?

Rose: Absolutely. I've been dealing with weird things all day—strange pizza deliveries and now this. I thought it was you because of that cake incident.

Helen: Well, it wasn't me. And now that I think about it, it makes sense that you'd assume that it might be me.

Rose: I'm sorry, Helen. I just jumped to conclusions.

Helen: It's okay, Rose. Let's figure out who's behind this together.

Rose: Yeah, and next time, I'll check before accusing you.

Helen: Agreed. We've got to stick together against these assholes.

Rose: Thanks, Helen. I appreciate your understanding.

Helen: No problem, sis. We'll get to the bottom of this.