J - An Emperor's second-hand rag

How about this, sir
It's the latest thing, sir
Why it's all the rage, sir
My, you look a clever one
Here's a special offer, sir
Come and take a look, sir
Limited edition, sir
Get it now before it's gone

Now how would you like, sir
this flash set of friends, sir
The finest materials;
Fashion
Naivety
Why yes they look old, sir
but sir - worry not, sir
I'm sure you'll grow into them
They're very low maintenance
Just now and again, sir
a party, a do, sir
A present or two, sir
I swear nothing more

I'll throw in this dame, sir
to wrap round your arm, sir
You'll look quite the part, sir;
Attractive
Attached
There's more to it still, sir
when you've had your fill, sir
She'll say that she loves you
She'll sound so sincere, sir
Repeat what she says, sir
to keep her in tow, sir,
I'm sorry but no, sir
There's no guarantee

I'll do myself wrong, sir
and offer you more, sir
I'll toss in this gift set;
Stylish
Compact
Elegant blinkers
to hide you from doubt, sir,
The latest in ear muffs
to shield you from reason
Rapier wit, sir
Yes, it's quite blunt, sir,
But blunt's the new sharp, sir
Wilde's out of season

So come, will you buy, sir
Why yes it's a deal, sir
You've made the right choice, sir;
No risk
No regrets
I think you'll agree, sir
It's best I be off, sir
Thanks for the sale, sir
Thanks very much