Valentine's Lament

Dearest X:

It all began with a feverish dream – a dream of you, vivid as day, but blurred by the night.

The smiles, the touches are all too much now. Each glance, each fingertip is seared in my mind. Do you feel for me what I feel for you?

Every day, I resolve to say something, do something, anything to make you understand. But each time I lose my nerve. As much as I burn for you, I can’t bring myself to cross the line – the line that once crossed allows no retreat. You know I am married, I know you are engaged. If we were both single, it would be different, easy even. The taboo of infidelity hangs perilously over us – if I would, would you? If you would, would I?

Each step I take, my every action is in your shadow. I should give you up, let go, stay away. It would be easier that way, to let the gulf of time and distance fade my heart, but I can’t. I don’t want to. I would rather feel the rush of your presence and the pain of my unrequited love than to feel nothing again.

But you will never know this. This is the letter I cannot send.

Love,
J