A Wonderful Dream

I was sitting there again in fifth grade. As I look around slowly I
could see all my old classmates. But as a I continue to stare around
the room, my eyes fell upon a girl. At first her image was unclear but
I knew she was someone important in my life. I had a feeling as if I
owed this person something but not sure what. Familiar feelings of
being close to a loved one grabbed hold of my heart and didn't let go.
As I watched, her image began to clear and I finally know who she was.
It was my best friend in fifth grade, Lucia Garcia.

"Lu-," I tried calling but suddenly my voice was cut off by immediate
sobs. I woke up with tears in my eyes and more tears streaming down my
cheek.

"It's only 5:15 AM?" I said as I looked at the watch. I couldn't go
back to sleep so I sat there staring at the ceiling and then looked
around. I recognized my lamp table by my side and I decided to turn on
my lamp but then changed my mind. I sat and then sighed while trying to
forget the dream. Facing my closet staring at the collage I made on the
doors. Suddenly I was lost in the dark. Past memories start to flood my
mind.

It was the start of fifth grade and I didn't know anyone. I was pretty
sure I was going to be a loner just like last year. Everyone thought I
was weird or too smart or not much fun. I still wasn't sure why people
disliked me but they just did. No one hung out with me because I was
too "un-cool" for them. That is until I sat down by a girl I've never
seen before. As I sat there I began to have the courage to start
talking to her.

"Hi! Are you new? I've never seen you before," I said as I studied her
carefully. She had long brown hair that went down past her shoulders.
Her eyes were big, brown and very beautiful. I could tell that she was
just an ordinary girl who didn't care about how she looked by the way
she dressed. Blue jeans, and a t-shirt. Nothing fancy at all, not even
a bracelet. And her smile, it was so......full, and wonderful that it
makes you smile just to see her smile. Her lips stretched from ear to
ear and you could vividly see the bright smile of hers that almost
blinds your eye. Either she has had braces or Lucia was born with
perfect teeth. Her cheeks were rosy and when she smiled, the skin above
her cheek wrinkled and scrunched up.

"Hi, yea I'm Lucia and I'm new," she said as she gave me one of her
smiles.

"Oh well, I'm Janeve." Her voice even sounded so nice and sweet,
almost perfect. Slowly the image faded and right away another dream
started to form. I walked onto the bus and trying to find a seat when I
spotted Lucia again.

"Hey! Can I sit with you?" I asked eagerly.

"Sure! I didn't know you rode my bus! At least I know someone on my
bus. Well that's cool, we must live close to each other then!"

"Yeah, we must!" I sat there thinking for some time about this new
friend of mine. Could I finally get a best friend? Someone I can talk
to about anything? Suddenly, I realized it was my stop.

"Hey well, that's my stop. I'll talk to you later ok? Bye!" I got up
and walked off the bus. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if
this year might actually be a fun year and it was. In the years before,
it was usually me, myself, and I. There wasn't anyone else. No friends,
no enemies even and I felt alone. But now I felt warm hearted and the
fact that maybe I really could have a friend brightened my day and even
my week. We both like basketball and we both really liked to bike ride
or roller blade. So every once in awhile, we'll go and start heading
towards the beach. Everyday, we became closer and closer, and I finally
thought I had a best friend. Whenever someone would come and tease me
or be mean to me in some way (and it happens a lot) she would always
act like a body guard. I was teased because of my heritage and the fact
that my english wasn't perfect. I was teased because of how I looked
and the way I dressed but that never bothered me and it never bothered
Lucia either. She would go right up to them and try to beat them
up.

"If you mess with her, you mess with me," was always her favorite line
to use on people. Somehow, she never got caught. But of course, that
was in fifth grade. Once we got into sixth grade, we went our separate
ways.

Because sixth grade was when all the elementary fifth graders came
together, I met many new people and began to hang around different
groups to "fit" in. The fact was I thought maybe if I dressed like
everyone else, maybe if I walked, talked, acted, laughed, sang, danced,
and joked like everyone else, then everyone would like me. What I
figured was that Lucia and I weren't as close as we thought but I was
wrong. I knew how much I hurt her but I was getting more attention.
Soon, the only time that I hung out with Lucia was on the bus. Slowly
without knowing it, I have lost my best friend in a deep forest. I felt
awful but at that point being popular was more on my mind then anything
else. It's just like our great ancestors said," Greed and fame
sometimes takes over what's really important in life, it's a part of
being human." (person unknown)

I knew my mistake and tried to become friends again, but everywhere we
turn, things didn't work out, I kept getting lost. Either I chickened
out or I just felt stupid but I could never get myself to ask her to go
bike riding with me or to play basketball. I was scared that she might
already hate me too much or she'll yell at me.

"Oh I'm busy that day," or "Oh I can't, sorry," was always one
another's excuse. Then seventh grade swung at me before I could duck.
By then, me and Lucia were so far away from each other that the broken
road in between us could never be repaired. It wasn't until the middle
of seventh grade that I realized what I've really lost.

As I stare again at the dark ceiling, I glanced at my watch again. It
was only 5:45 AM. I decided to get up, get dressed, and eat some food.
When I sat down at the table all ready for school an hour early, I sat
thinking again and I started to daydream.

"I just read on the newspaper that a girl your age was ran over by a
car," my mom said to me as we were walking into Walgreens. Usually, I
would roll my eyes because I knew that my mom would go into another
long discussion about safety. But this time, things were different. For
some odd reason, I knew this person was someone I knew.

"Mom, what was her name?" I asked eagerly trying to make her
remember.

"I can't remember, the last name was kind of Spanish I think."

Immediately, my thoughts turned to Lucia for no reason at all. There
were many Spanish people that I could think of but I thought of Lucia.
My stomach tossed and turned and I longed to go home. The feeling
wouldn't leave my body. It started from my heart and it was a cold
feeling that made hair on the back of my neck stand up. When we finally
arrived in my driveway, I ran to go and get the newspaper.

"Janeve! I threw it away already!" My mom yelled. I was
devastated.

"I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow at school then." I
turned away sadly. Then the phone rang and I went to pick it up. It was
one of my friends.

"Hey Janeve, did you hear about who got into an accident?" I knew this
was someone very important to me or to her or else she wouldn't have
called. I was tense and scared, I thought to myself," I don't want to
know who it is. Better not know then know and get depressed about it."
But instead I said, "No! Who was it?"

"Lucia......"She trailed off for she knew of the relationship me and
Lucia had. I sat there absorbing everything she just said and the voice
on the other line zapped me back to reality.

"Janeve? You ok?"

"Yea, yea I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." I hung up the phone
and just sat there again. Just out of no where, I burst into tears. I
blamed myself and I wished I could turn back in time but I knew that
was impossible. I blamed myself for everything. After awhile, I decided
to walk around and see if that would help. It didn't, actually it made
it worse. I began to think of all that I've done. My brain started to
remember the time in sixth grade, and then at that moment, I felt
empty. I felt alone, very very alone. It made me regret what I've done,
what I've left behind. I would never forgive myself for doing such a
foolish thing. Questioning myself on why I ditched Lucia to be with my
"other" friends, I began to hate myself.

"I left Lucia my best friend to hang around some popular group of
people? Oh jeez, I wish someone would've knocked some sense into
me!"

The next day at school, I received the whole story. Lucia was trying
to cross the street on her bike with her friend. I can just picture
what had happened.

"Lucia your not going to make it!"

"Watch me!"

"Lucia wait.......Lucia! NO!" The thought haunted me for the rest of
the day. For a week, I blamed myself for not trying hard enough. For
not succeeding in becoming her friend again. I called myself names and
I began to change. I started to become depressed. Instead of," Hi you
guys! What's up?" I was usually more like," Hi guys," and just sat down
or stared at the floor. No matter what my friends said to me to cheer
me up, I couldn't get myself to forgive me. One of my friends said to
me," Janeve, you know, we didn't loose anyway, we just gained an angel.
She's in good hands now." It cheered me in the beginning to think that
but after awhile it didn't do any good. I still thought back to
everything I've said, all the times Lucia and I spent together and it
hurt.

I sat there staring at the clock on the kitchen wall again, back to
reality. Suddenly, I felt tired and I closed my eyes while resting my
head on the table.

I looked around me, the scene was blurry and I couldn't make out the
things around me. Then I noticed I was in my elementary school standing
inside before the front doors. People that were in my class were there
also but I couldn't see their faces. They were all standing there as if
waiting for something. And then I saw her, the same blue jeans and
t-shirt, the same brown hair. I stared in awe as if I forgot who I was
and I saw people start to crowd around her.

"Where did you go? I missed you!" One of them said.

"No where important and it doesn't matter. I'm back now!" Lucia said
with her smile, the smile. I slowly walked up to her and I wanted to
tell her everything, to apologize for all the things I've done but when
I stared into her beautiful brown eyes. The look she gave me wasn't one
of anger or sadness. It was actually happy, maybe happy to see me or
happy to be in good hands. I knew at that point that Lucia forgives me
and at the same time, I forgave myself. I knew that things weren't my
fault and the incident was nature taking over.

"Lucia, I'm sorry."

"Janeve, I didn't come here right now to listen to you say your
apologies. I came back to tell you, it's not your fault. Stop blaming
yourself for everything because I don't. I miss you a lot too but fate
is fate. Don't worry about me anymore."

I woke up to find myself against the table and tears streaming down my
face. They weren't sad depressed tears, they were tears of joy. I
finally understood that things happen and they aren't my fault. After
that dream, I looked at the clock, it was 6:45 AM. Time to go to school
I thought to myself and I put on my shoes and walked out the door.