Hats

HATS ? Jas Maddock 2001

My old handsome pal wears no hat but a Homburg
It's furry and like a dormant creature nesting
Sometimes it lopes to the side as if he is drunk
But he got funny looks when he wore it in Hamburg

The men of Hamburg all chorused like off beat chords
All shouting their decrees of 'no hamburgs in Homburg'
In a sharp hard way that was reeking of malice
In this place all men must wear diamond palaces

Sparkling aloft on their heads like angel costume
Glittering with jewelled cornices and trapped nieces
Locked in the hat palaces as folly; mere pieces
Their eyes glowing with the reflection of diamond ices.

Handsome man despaired at such frippery
A homburg sombre suited his icy personality
Not an icy confection creation reminiscent of Georgian
Ladies' wigs only without the insects and pomade

Maybe he could bow to tradition and sport
A few crystals embedded in his hair
But then he'd be giving in to fashion diktat
And so bravely stepped out in his Homburg hat!

To scornful looks and manic hate
At this Homburg wearing hat man who decided to
Wear seven at once piled like in a bargain bin
Unfortunately for him it was a big mistake

He got booed he got them screwed as then
Rapidly changing hat styles appeared on his head
First a beret, then a nice warm woolly hat
A top hat, cop that, fuckers, all boring suckers

We can all wear what we want anywhere.
Homburgs in Hamburg and Top hats in Torquay
Berets in Belize and Woolly hats in Wales
Bobble hats a bobbing down in Francisco Bay.

The conform or die hat police are everywhere.