No happy endings, only damaged goods and heart rendings

No happy endings, only damaged goods and heart rendings (19th May 2008, 10.20pm)

Watch me sleep, listen as I breathe
For the last time, next to you, my soul keeps you close
Tomorrow my wings unfurl and my metalled outer case
Reels me, spinning, overseas, away from you
How will you sleep without my rhythm to breathe to?
How will you feel without my warmth beside you?
I assume you thought through these things before
You gave me your word, to leave you
I reel, head spinning, overseas, can’t believe you
Said no. I don’t think I know how to feel
I assumed too much, thought that love was a two-way street,
That it leads to you coming with me, making me complete
It’s too late: my ticket is as fixed as my mind
I will leave you behind because my life leads me to
Watch you sleep, as I wake, for the last time, next to you
Listen as you breathe, your soul keeps me close
Today my wings unfurl and my metalled outer case
Is going to reel me, spinning, overseas, away from this room
How will I sleep without your warmth to wake to?
How will I feel without your rhythm as I move in you?
You assume I thought through these things before
I gave you the word, to follow my lead as
I reel, head spinning, overseas, where I can’t reach you
You see, I can’t believe that you meant to say no.

Three months later, finally, a letter from you
I sit at my kitchen table and explain to her how
My reasons for leaving were not reasons to leave you
And still, I can’t believe you said no.
I reel, spinning, overseas, away from you
Watch no-one sleep in the lonely room where I breathe alone
Another night not next to you, my soul tries to hold you close
As I imagine you, watching him sleep, listening as he breathes
Beside you. How do you sleep without me breathing next to you?
How do I sleep without any warmth beside me to soothe?