52 Candles

Fifty-Two Candles

Today, I am going to buy you a cake,
A birthday cake,
And on it
I will write Happy Birthday
With green frosting
Because that is the color of your eyes.

It will remind me of the time
I tried to bleach my eyes green
By staring into the sun-
I will tell you
I did that because
I wanted to have your eyes,
I wanted to be like you.

And I will laugh because my eyes
Aren’t any greener than before.
I will tell you
That’s why I wear glasses now,
And, you see,
I will say, as I am laughing out loud,
I am like you,
You wear glasses, too.

And then I will buy candles,
Fifty-two candles,
Because that’s how old you will be
And I’ll put them all on the cake.
I’ll get into the closet
And take out a little box. Then we,
Both sitting there in silence,
Can reflect upon our lives,
And I, perhaps, will reflect upon your life
And how it has affected me.

As I light all of the candles and sing to you
The Happy Birthday song,
I will sing to you softly-
Softly, the way you might have sung to me
When I was a child.
And I will cry
Because there you will be,
Sitting next to me in that little box,
Full of ashes,
Full of you,
Because you didn’t know
How to forgive yourself.

I will cry
For all of the sadness I feel
And learn to forgive myself
Because I don’t know you
And never will.