Julian asks about his Mum
"Dad, why are you doing breakfast today?"
"Cos Mummys not feeling very well this morning so I thought I would let her have a lie in"
The truth of course is that Mummy had too much red wine with Susan from next door last night and now has the hang over from hell!
"Will she have to go to hospital?"
"No, she's just feeling a bit ill"
"Has she got the flu"
"When I had Chicken pox I was in bed for a long time and I had lots of spots, has Mummy got spots?"
"No, no, she hasn't got Chicken Pox, she's just a bit poorly"
So these are the famous breakfast questions that she talks about. Can't see anything wrong with it, he's just inquisitive.
"Will you call an Ambulance?"
"No, Mummy's fine she just needs a rest for a while thats all!"
"Is that why she's got the sick bowl by her bed?"
"Er yes, just in case she's sick"
Damn didn't think he saw the bowl.
"If she is sick, will you call an Ambulance then?"
"No, no, there will be no Ambulance for Mummy, she's just got a chill"
"Yes, just a little chill, thats all"
That should do it.
"When you have a chill, does it make you laugh and giggle?"
"Does a chill make you laugh and giggle?"
"Cos last night when mummy came back from Auntie Susans, she was laughing and giggling all the time and now she's ill"
Shit, forgot he was still up when she got in from next door, PISSED.
"Yes, a chill can do that, one minute you're laughing and the next being sick, strange things chills"
All ok now, that should quiet him down.
"Does it make you snore?"
"Cos I could hear Mummy snoring last night"
"Er, yes, it makes you snore as well"
Jesus, I knew she was loud but didn't realise he could hear her from his room.
"Did you have a chill last week?"
"No, don't think so, why?"
"Cos, last week Mummy said you had your Christmas Party at work and you were laughing when you came home and the next day you were ill as well"
How the hell does he remember all these things?
"Yes, I had a chill as well, Mummy must have caught it from me"
Thats it, all gone ok. Makes perfect sense, I had a chill and now his mums got it. Perfect.
"Didn't know it was a chill, Mummy just said you were Drunk!"
"Ok eat your breakfast quickly or you'll be late for school.