Hey diddle diddle

A long time ago in a place far far away?


&;quot;Welcome class! Today I am going to read
you a story or poem type thing from my childhood, called 'hey diddle
diddle.' As I am reading people will come in and help illustrate my
story so you may understand it better.&;quot;


&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Laura?&;quot;


&;quot;What does hey diddle diddle
mean?&;quot;

&;quot;It's just a phrase
Laura.&;quot;

&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Sam?&;quot;


&;quot;What's a phrase?&;quot;


&;quot;It's uhh? well, lets begin. Hey diddle
diddle, the cat and the fiddle?&;quot;


&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Charlotte?&;quot;


&;quot;What's a fiddle?&;quot;


&;quot;It's an instrument Charlotte.&;quot;


&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Sarah?&;quot;


&;quot;What's an instrument?&;quot;


&;quot;Uh? no more questions now please.
Illustrator number one please come in!&;quot;

A
rather grumpy looking freakishly over sized cat entered holding a rusty
old fiddle. He was quietly mumbling but at one point you could hear him
say?

&;quot;?this damn job I can't believe I
took it being humiliated in front of a bunch of crap brained kids wish
I'd took the job outside the pet store?&;quot;


&;quot;Ett hem!!&;quot; the teacher said a
little too loudly for the situation, &;quot;Can you start
please?&;quot;

&;quot;Yeah yeah yeah
whatever. Hey hey diddle? uh, cat en' the eh? spindle jumped? over
something?&;quot;

&;quot;That's enough,
thankyou for that intresting? recital of my poem. I just wish there
were more people that agree with society as we know it. Unlike you.
What's the matter with you anyway? You some kind of
antisocialist?&;quot;

&;quot;I'm not anti
social, I just hate people.&;quot;

&;quot;O?
kay then. You may go.&;quot;

As he went out the
door, &;quot;? yeah whatever? I got to go to some playgroup
now?&;quot;

&;quot;Ok,&;quot; the rather
bewildered looking teacher murmured, &;quot;let us carry on. Now,
the cow jumped over the moon?&;quot;


&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Emma?&;quot;


&;quot;What's a cow?&;quot;


&;quot;Uh? you'll see. Come in number
two!&;quot;

An extremely old man walked in,
alongside a large brown cow. Underneath the man's left arm was a large
round silver moon. Almost instantly as he entered the room he began to
speak.

&;quot;Now, as it says in the poem
children, the great cow of narzia jumps high over the moon. I once saw
it happen back in 1936 when my old darlin' cow called Betty jumped over
the moon. A great gorgous cow she was, black with bright white streaks
as the shimmy. Thee most beauty in a cow as eva I saw. An' her husband
in 'er were the most famous shimmies in the farm. That brings me back
to a time abbot June 1948. Cors, Betty was long gone b'then but she
still lives on in me 'artAmazin' that day?&;quot;

&;quot;Err, Mr. Brown, are you actually going to get the
cow to just over that plastic moon?&;quot;

&;quot;That's impossible mimate. You'no, this
moon glow sin the dark, it scared old Betseyboop 'ere a bit when she
first sawit but now she sleeps wit'it sound as a whistle.&;quot;

&;quot;Thankyou very much mister? err,
Brown. You can leave now.&;quot;

&;quot;It's
pourin' with rain, cannee' stay in the corner wit' me cow? I won't make
no noise to disturbs ya.&;quot;

&;quot;I
guess,&;quot; said the teacher, &;quot;but please keep completely
quiet.&;quot;

&;quot;Yes sir!!&;quot;


&;quot;Ok now, the little dog laughed to see
such fun?&;quot;

&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Harrriet?&;quot;


&;quot;What's a dog?&;quot;


&;quot;An animal.&;quot;


&;quot;Sir?&;quot;


&;quot;Yes Mark?&;quot;


&;quot;What's an animal?&;quot;


&;quot;Dear God? please let me carry on yeah?
You kids are old enough to know what a bloody animal is! You should be
doing algebra and trigonometry!&;quot;


&;quot;Em, 'scuse me but you n' your mates
shouldn't be talkin' like that.&;quot;

&;quot;Sir?&;quot;

&;quot;Yes
Hazel?&;quot; he sighed slowly and looked up.

&;quot;You don't know much do you?&;quot;

&;quot;NEXT PLEASE!&;quot;

The next thing that came in was
unbelieveable. Well, it looked normal to start with. Just a small
common dog. That was until it started laughing.


&;quot;He he he he he he he he he
he!!!!!!!!&;quot; said the dog. The classroom starred dumb struck.
Following the dog was a clown wearing over sized dungerees in bright
yellow and pink stripes.

&;quot;Welcome Cango
the Clown, and Rufus the laughing dog, now you can go.&;quot;


&;quot;Is that it mister teacher type
person?&;quot; said the clown in an unexpected deep gruff voice.


&;quot;Yes. You have a very err, impressive dog
there and he has already laughed which is all he needs to do.&;quot;


&;quot;But we practised for hours last
night,&;quot; the clown said as his painted mouth dipped in the
corners and made him look even sadder.

The teacher
sighed, &;quot;Alright, go ahead.&;quot; and the teacher buried
his head in his arms and made no more sound.


&;quot;Okay,&;quot; then the clown began to
sing, &;quot;the little little little dog laughed laughed laughed to
see see see such fun fun fun, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah?&;quot; and
during this the dog made random laughing noises that sounded a little
like honking.

&;quot;That's enough!!&;quot;
the teacher shouted, his face bright red with frustration and his body
shaking with anger. &;quot;GET THE HELL OUT HERE!!!!&;quot;


The clown slightly taken aback by this sudden burst
of anger backed towards the door slightly and noticed the old man with
his cow.

&;quot;Did he treat you like
that?&;quot; the clown said to him.


&;quot;No, coz' not laddie, this young man
see,&;quot; and he lowered his voice, &;quot;is gettin' very
stressed outa' life. He's havin' problems at 'ome.&;quot;


&;quot;I'm WHAT?!!&;quot;


&;quot;Do you know my actual job is a psychic
'rom three t'eight six days a week? Ooooh, that goes back a long way.
First time I realised I cud see in old yonder minds of all the folk in
the village?&;quot;

&;quot;Will you shut
up?&;quot;

&;quot;Calm your mind teacher, I
see you are stressed cuz of all your pros, but I see you dunna' mean
it.&;quot;

&;quot;Uh? sorry to interrupt. Did
I leave my fiddle in here?&;quot; The giant cat said while standing
in the door.

&;quot;Dunny see it lad.&;quot;


&;quot;Someone kill me.&;quot; the teacher
said with his head inbetween his knees.


&;quot;Mooooooooooo.&;quot; said the cow.


&;quot;Wait a minute, I must of left it in the
canteen?&;quot;

&;quot;Rufus!! Please don't
do that in here I won't get paid!&;quot;


&;quot;Yuk! He's got it all over my cat suit,
you stupid mutt!&;quot; the giant cat roared, &;quot;now even the
pet store won't want me!&;quot;

&;quot;No
budy il' want ya with that attitude. You outta lighten up and take a
long look at ya life lad?&;quot;

Making everyone
jump?


&;quot;BRRRRRIIINNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!&;quot;
the school bell rang.

The cat screeched like a
fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon, the little dog laughed to see
such fun?

And a dinner lady walked in.


&;quot;Um, I'm number four? have I missed my
turn?&;quot;

A little boy put his hand up.
&;quot;Sir?&;quot;

The teacher lifted his
head slowly.

&;quot;Can we go to
lunch?&;quot;

He waited for a moment.
&;quot;Get the hell out of here.&;quot;

Like
little laughing dogs the children ran out of the classroom, knocking
the dinner lady over and sending cutlery flying everywhere. The
teacher, the cow, the old man, the dog, the clown and the giant cat
looked at each other, then looked at the unconscious dinner lady on the
floor.

"Guess we better clear this forsaken' mess
up then." said the old man.

"Yeah, we better." said
the teacher.

So the teacher, the cow, the old man,
the dog, the clown and the giant cat started to pick up dishes and
spoons.

"Ha ha ha ha," the teacher laughed
strangely, "I wonder how that dinner lady was guna make a dish run away
with a spoon."

PLEASE RATE this story truthfully, I
only have a few ratings and it's been on abctales for ages. Just rate
this story at the bottom of this page and submit. PLEASE!