Speedy Dissolves Contract

Speedy Alkaseltzer Dissolves Contract, Sues for Royalties

"Oh, what a relief it is," he declared to a gathering of industry
insiders and reporters. "I've been tied to those bloodsuckers for 40
years. Free at last, free at last!"

Known to millions as the legendary spokesman for Alkaseltzer brand pain
reliever, Mr. Speedy finally won his longstanding lawsuit to dissolve
his personal services contact with the manufacturers of Alkaseltzer. In
a related action, he also filed suit for back royalties, alleging that
he personally coined the immortal signature line "plop plop fizz fizz
Oh, what a relief it is."

Mr. Speedy declared that due to his unique physical characteristics,
only he could possibly have thought up that slogan. As he explained in
today's press conference, "I was sitting on the crapper one day, and it
came to me in a flash: Hey, what a great line: 'plop plop fizz fizz oh
what a relief it is.' I gave a demonstration in the office the next
day, and the corporate muscle-heads stole my line and never gave me
credit. They said it would hurt sales if the public knew its true
origin. I say: up theirs, I want my royalties."

The manufacturer was unavailable for comment at this time.