Tiger run
By kirsten
Mon, 22 Oct 2012
- 1215 reads
7 comments
The boy runs on, amber eyes wide and gold, shining in the darkness.
His eyes search the wilderness of the street, yearning for a place to rest.
His life destroyed and cracked, covered over by the dark.
The darkness creeping over invisibly like an illness, turning families over and unwrapping lies like mouldy sweets and sticking them to walls, so obvious but hurtful.
The boys heart is scared but wild itching for his life back, to run into sunlight would be hard.
The hot air clings to his body making him restless and ill.
The day a mere mirage on the humid surface of earth, the cloggy fumes unite as one and go in as an army on the boys health.
But like a tiger he runs.
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Comments
Hi there, Kirsten;-) Good
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Hi there, Kirsten;-) Good to have you on board.
I like this, very much. The metaphor of the tiger is very vivid.
Just one small point in the penulimate line, I think you mean 'mere'.
Your use of vocabulary is effective and and compelling.
Tina;-)
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This reads like a beautiful
Permalink Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
This reads like a beautiful prologue to something, I don't know what. There's a real sense of story that has me yearning for more.
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'...mere mirage'... much
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
'...mere mirage'... much better;-)
Well done, again.
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'and opening lies like
Permalink Submitted by The Walrus on
'and opening lies like packets of mouldy sweets and sticking them to walls, so obvious but hurtful.' -
I would have said 'unwrapping lies like mouldy sweets,' Kirsten. Apart from that it's very evocative.
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powerful writing Kirsten-
powerful writing Kirsten- you are one clever girl..
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