Zombie Wedding Night - Flash Fiction

I closed the bedroom door, and swayed gently on my feet.

"Wedding night. Hell," I said. "I remember one of those, from when I was alive." I smiled, pushing the tooth that had a habit of slipping down, back into place.

Pearl smiled at me, too, her purple lips pulled tight like a spilt aubergine.

So pretty. I grinned. Putting my foot up on the bed, I decided it was unromantic and quickly tossed it across the room.

Climbing into bed beside her, I lay back on the wooden headboard.

“Finally, man and wife after 300 hundred years.” I reached out and tucked Pearl's hair behind her ear, and it came off in my hand.

Pearl cackled, her wet breath brushed my cheek and my belly warmed as though a fire cracker had been dropped down my pants... it tingled, and I decided, that can't be good..

I looked down at my burgeoning desire and said, “You know, I think we better just cuddle.”

The following morning....

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling in wonder.

“Morning lover.”

"Morning indeed." I smiled as I sat up on the edge of the bed.

Rolling like a drunk, I went over to the cobwebbed corner of the room, wishing I hadn’t tossed my foot quite so far last night. I dropped it into my wellington boot, pulled that on, and with both legs the same length, amble shuffled back to the bed.

Pearl sat there in her glory, the bald patches on her scalp glistening enticingly in the early dawn.

I pulled on dirt starched clothes. Zombie armor, holds things together a bit better. I tucked Pearl’s ear into my pocket and patted it.

“Sticky Sid will sort this out in no time.” Running my finger down her tracing paper cheek, I grinned. “Saran Wrap, who knew. Maybe Sticky Sid could start a sideline. Zombie condoms.”

“Earl! What goes on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom!”

I wasn’t about to argue. Zombie bedtime was looking up, and so was my eager member!

“C’mon Pearl, let’s stop by the grocery store on the way, stock up on Saran Wrap.”

Sticky Sid had Pearl’s ear back on in no time. It was an inch higher than I remembered, but she was happy.

She smiled and her split aubergine lips compressed to thin black slugs of heart stopping beauty. I wanted to kiss her, but last time I had surprised her, I’d swallowed two teeth... hers.

Waiting for them to reappear had caused our first row.

I flapped my stiff sleeve at Sid in farewell, and inched towards the door, ignoring my loose foot grinding inside my welly boot.

Outside we bumped into Dear Dead Dolly, and Decomposing Dan.

“How’s Tim?” I asked.

“Search me,” Dan muttered, “He deserted us at the dance... I thought he was gonna break a hip. Twisting like a demon, sweaty spiked horns, the works!”

Dolly’s bingo wings flapped as she pretend hugged Pearl. “Well, let’s see it. The ring.”

Pearl held out her hand, her finger fell off, and her mouth dropped open in despair.

I crumpled over and picked up the digit, the ring still on there like a golden washer.

“It’s ok. Sticky Sid’s got a new shipment of superglue,” I said, and we zombie rolled back inside the store.