Love, Rehab, and Mutant Turtles (6)

Previous Chapter

6. A Shit End to a Shit Date

Nick floated beneath the churning water, trying not to imagine what manner of nasty was surrounding him. In addition to the human waste, there was the idea of sharing a pool with giant turtles. Putting aside their murderous intent, turtles were inherently disgusting creatures. Even with his breath held, Nick imagined that he could smell the sickly stench. His lungs burned with the exertion of staying on top of the thick currents below, but he waited to surface. Once he did, he was going to have to make a quick exit from the water or face mortal peril on a variety of different fronts. His chief concern was swimming for his life while trying not to inhale shit or get an eye infection; the turtles were manageable.

            Nick took a last moment to reflect on the evening and what had led him to that point. He thought of the tidy room that sat empty back at the rehab facility and all the money he had blown to purchase it. The alcohol was quickly fading from his system, and with its exit, shame came storming in. It was a tidal wave of emotion, washing over him and encompassing every inch of his body. A part of him wanted to sink to the bottom of the muck and drown. It would be poetic in a way.

            Nah. What’s life without a few mistakes? It was the one salient life lesson his master, Henry, had ever taught him. Most of his writing was about avoiding venereal disease from various half-humanoid creatures, but this one lesson had stuck. They were fighting a werewolf in an old village and Nick had missed his shot at a critical moment. As a result, a woman was mauled to death in front of them. Henry took his shot seconds later and didn’t miss. That night, deep in their cups, Nick’s master found the single kind bone in his body. Everyone makes mistakes, kid. The only thing that counts is next time.

            Miserable old drunk. Nick stifled a laugh at the irony. Alright, live or die, let’s do this. Nick kicked with every ounce of energy he had left and broke for the surface. The calm, muted nature of the water disappeared in an instant, replaced by angry hissing and thundering footsteps. Nick opened his eyes for a flash, looking for the metal rungs of a ladder. He found them, closed his eyes tightly and swam toward it. His arms churned blindly, propelling him forward.

            When his hands clasped the ladder, he recoiled slightly. Finding his grip, he pulled himself up hand over hand, counting his luck that he hadn’t already been eaten. Maybe the second turtle got full and fucked off. He thought of the muscly siren and wondered if the creature had gone to finish the job. Pushing the thought aside, Nick pulled himself over the lip of the platform, coming face to face with the horrifying ass end of a giant, mutant, snapping turtle. He stood, his right leg barely able to support any weight. There’s no way that wound isn’t infected. A fantasy of a traditional peg leg filled Nick’s vision, but was quickly batted away by the violent whipping of the turtle’s tail.

            Right, work to do. Nick moved around the edge of the creature, careful to avoid both it and a plunge back into the water below. Every few seconds, the turtle let out a horrible hiss mixed with a gurgle. Huge, oozing mounds had formed on the creature anywhere Nick’s arrows had struck. The avocado worked, he thought, thanking Cass for at least having the presence of mind to complete the fiction she was selling. Nick looked around for his crossbow and couldn’t find it. Likely lost to the shit pool. He said a silent eulogy for the weapon.

            “Poor creature. Were you just going to leave it to die?” Cass stepped out from behind the turtle, edging past its head. She held a dagger in one hand and the launcher in her other. With a calculated motion, she swung the dagger down on the turtle’s head. The hissing stopped, replaced by a final gurgling exhale.

            Nick felt his attraction blossoming again and shoved it down. “It would have never worked between us.”

            Cass laughed and removed her dagger, wiping the blade off on her pantleg. “For more reasons than you know.”

            “Oh, come on, you can’t tell me it was all fake.” Nick sincerely hoped it wasn’t but was only talking to stall for time. Talk longer, live longer. That was one of his own platitudes that he tried repeatedly to beat into James. Most people had trouble killing someone mid-sentence. On the off chance that Cass wasn’t one of them, he was no worse off either way.

            Cass advanced with the knife. “Not even in your wildest dreams.”

            “Ouch.” Despite the obvious mortal peril, Nick felt wounded.

            “Don’t worry, you won’t have much time to be hurt about it.”

            Nick looked at her posture and realized she was right. There was going to be a fight and it was going to happen quickly. Every step he took backward led him nowhere other than the sewage pool likely hiding the missing turtle. He did a quick mental calculation and decided dying by knife was better than being eaten alive by a creature with no real teeth. Satisfied with the choice, Nick gritted his teeth and made his best effort at a charge.

            Cass recoiled, but only for a second. She recovered fast and drove the knife forward catching Nick between the ribs and driving the blade home.

            There are two rules about knife fights. One, don’t get into a knife fight, especially if you don’t have a knife of your own. Two, when you do get into a knife fight, accept that you’re going to get stabbed at least once. Henry’s words echoed once more in Nick’s head as the curved blade struck his rib and slid across his side, leaving a deep gash. The pain was immediate and overwhelming. He pushed forward all the same, not wanting to lose his momentum. There were only so many times he was going to be able to pull this trick before the knife did permanent damage.

            Warm blood poured down his side and he felt nauseous, but otherwise, he guessed nothing vital had been hit. Nick tried not to think of all the bacteria on his clothing and just pictured a clean recovery room instead. Adrenaline flooded his body, and the wrenching pain became a quiet whimper mixed with the discomforting notion that something in his body had gone terribly wrong. Fighting through it, Nick brought his fist up under Cass’s chin and landed a fierce blow that sent her toppling backward.

            The knife clattered to the ground.

            Nick’s momentum caused his wounded leg to buckle and he fell. In a sign of how dire his situation had really gotten; he didn’t feel anything beyond the ringing impact of his skull against the concrete. The sensation was odd, but not painful. God, I hope this knife wound isn’t worse than I thought. Even the thought sounded slurred. The knife wound was definitely worse than he thought. It was difficult to tell if the ground had gone slick from the wave of sewage or his own blood.

            Nick fought through the pain and grabbed the knife off the ground. Inch by inch, he crawled toward the slowly-dying turtle, using its bulk as a shield. Cass recovered and got to her feet. Instinctively, Nick slid the dagger beneath his leg in an attempt at conealment.

            “Really? How stupid do you think I am?” Cass stood a good six feet away and pulled a second, shorter dagger from her waistline. “How good of a shot do you think I am from this distance? I may not kill you on the first try, but I’ve got spares.”

            Nick pushed himself to a seated position, his back against the mighty, stinking turtle. The beast gave a great gurgle in response but didn’t move beyond a lackadaisical death shudder. Poor bastard might still be alive. Giving up on stealth, Nick put the dagger in his hand and held it out like a toy lance. “Come on and fight me like a man.” He regretted the words the second they left his lips.

            Cass gave a cold laugh. “Well done, using your last words for casual sexism. I’ll make sure to get you a plaque at the old boys club.” Cass pulled her hand back to throw the dagger.

            A blinding, white spotlight shone through the sewer grate. “Cass, put the knife down, this isn’t you.”

            Nick recognized the voice immediately. “Sean?” Must be losing more blood than I thought.

            A silhouette of a man that certainly could have been Sean appeared in the grate. “We’ll deal with you in a minute, Nick. Cass, put down the dagger and get out of there. It’s for your own safety.”

            Cass laughed again a let out a high-pitched siren wail. It shook the walls and sent waves through the water below.

            “God, how many times do I have to warn you not to do that?” Nick tried to back up into the turtle more, but the response to the wail was immediate.

            The second turtle shot out of the water just to Cass’s left. Immediately, a wave of gunfire came from the grate, grazing the creature’s shell, but making no real damage. The creature advanced on Cass with surprising speed. It was smaller than the first by a considerable margin, but still staggering in size.

            Cass waited for her moment and lodged the dagger in the creature’s neck when it got close enough.

            The turtle hissed in pain, but managed to bite down on Cass’s leg, shattering the bone with an audible crunch.

            Cass screamed.

            Nick tried to stand, to go help her, but the world was growing fuzzy at an alarming rate. His arms and legs were heavy, weighed down by an invisible force.

            The grate exploded, falling into the water with a heavy splash. A rope fell down from above and several people in riot gear slid down it, firing automatic rifles, crossbows, and all manner of other weaponry at the turtle.

            Cass grabbed another dagger and stabbed at the turtle repeatedly, sending up great gouts of blood with each consecutive strike. Her wailing scream cut off the gunfire, preventing any other sound in the room from being heard.

            The turtle, pouring blood from a series of increasingly mortal wounds, doubled down on its attack. With the last of its effort, it drove Cass to the ground. Briefly, it lifted its head, releasing her.

            Nick felt a sudden swell of hope. Come on Cass, get out of there.

            Cass used the moment to try and back away, but she barely managed a shimmy. Her right leg was mangled beyond repair.

            The turtle lowered its head, opening its jaws and biting down just above Cass’s hips. Her eyes went wide, filled with sudden fear and realization. She tried to scream, but the sound choked off in her throat. Her body went limp.

            Nick barely heard the staccato thump of gunfire. The last thing he felt before the world went completely dark was a profound sense of loss. This has to be the worst date I’ve ever been on. He almost laughed, but his body went slack before he had the opportunity.

Final Chapter