Whiteout Rewrite (Departing the Black Market)
By mac_ashton
- 681 reads
11. Departing the Black Market
“All of that gold for three bottles of miserable purple goop,” moaned Nick as they stepped back out into the lit streets beyond the old man’s shop. “This stuff better work, or I’m coming back to haunt that old man.” As he said it, Nick noticed a faded line of white chalk across the entryway. Or maybe not. Nick was always amazed at how few people knew of chalk and its many uses when keeping out the uninvited undead. Once invited, they could go just about anywhere they wanted, but until then, the chalk might as well be a brick wall.
“It’ll work, don’t worry. Jim is many things, but a liar isn’t one of them,” said Lopsang, serenely, starting to come down from whatever he had smoked with the old man in the back room. They walked away from the shack and back into the more populated streets of the black market.
Once they had reentered the main thoroughfare, Nick noticed that the night sky had shifted to become a canvas of multicolored stars, and a moon that appeared to be melting toward the horizon. In the middle of the street, a circle of hooded figures was moving rhythmically, and Nick could hear the sound of fists on flesh. Shop keeps were yelling from behind their stalls and cursing in various languages, but none dared to stop the fight.
“Looks like someone’s in trouble,” said Lopsang.
“We might be in for a bit of fun,” replied Nick, cracking his knuckles in what he hoped was a menacing gesture.
Lopsang only laughed and moved forward.
Fights at black markets were always interesting to Nick, so long as he wasn’t the one participating. A benefit of being surrounded by thieves, magicians, and trained assassins was that when brawls broke out, it was often spectacular. Shops would be broken to pieces, items from fruit stalls would be transmogrified into deadly weapons; in short, Nick was excited.
“Let’s get in there, I don’t want to miss this,” said Nick, pushing his way through the throng of hooded figures to the center of the commotion. Once they broke through the outer layer, Nick could see two men throwing punches and grappling with each other. Scattered around the circle’s edges were crampons, ropes, and other climbing gear. Nick let out a loud sigh, “You’ve got to be kidding me. James?” he inquired into the vortex of fists and blood.
In between the blows, he could barely make out one of the figures speaking. “He didn’t want to sell the gear.” It was difficult to hear, as immediately after saying it, James’s mouth was filled with an elbow.
Nick craned his neck in an exaggerated gesture, “I’m sorry James, I can’t hear you. What was that?” He had fully intended to stand on the edge of the ring, but Lopsang had already moved in to assist. It only took a moment for the outer circle to notice the intrusion, and then all hell broke loose. Well, here goes nothing, thought Nick, and stepped into the brawl, aiming a blow at the hooded figure he only half-hoped wasn’t James.
Interfering with a fight in a black market was strictly forbidden, and carried with it the highest penalty. The man who had not been hit stood up and made to remove his hood. Nick immediately moved to shove it back on his head. “Idiot,” he hissed. “We’ve already broken one of the sacred rules, show your face now and they’ll hunt you down for the rest of your days.”
The figure that Nick assumed to be James lowered his hands. Behind them, Lopsang had picked up two men by the scruff and was swinging them in wide circles to hold back the crowd. As he did so, he shouted: “We need to get out of here, now!”
“I’m thinking,” yelled Nick back, picking up a climbing axe just in time to beat away a hooded figure that had grasped its hands around James’s neck. There was a resounding clang as the flat end of the axe collided with the hooded head, and the figure crumpled to the ground.
“Thanks for that,” murmured the hooded figure Nick was now mostly sure was James.
“Gratitude can wait. We need to get out of here. Grab the climbing supplies,” said Nick, spinning the axe in his hand and pointing it at the growing din around them. How in the hell did he manage to find climbing gear? thought Nick, impressed, but also overwhelmed by the seemingly hopeless situation around them. Any minute now, some assassin sitting on a rooftop is going to end this. Nick scanned the buildings around them, knowing full well that if there were people there, he would likely not be able to see them.
Lopsang and James scrambled to pick up the climbing gear. In the end, Nick settled on the only logical thing to do when presented with insurmountable odds. He brandished the pickaxe in front of him like a battering ram, let out a loud yell, and then started running toward the exit. Lopsang and James did not hesitate, joined their yells to his own, and followed him through the crowd.
Most of the people standing around them were confused, and parted to let the madmen pass. This led to a momentary calm on the street, while everyone stood puzzled, wondering what to do next. A few men behind them were still exchanging blows, not realizing that the two parties involved in the original fight had departed. The crowd remained parted for only a few seconds, and then quickly coalesced into the easiest shape for a large group of people to form; an angry mob.
Nick could see a group of people exiting the elevator up the stone steps before them. They were almost up the first step when Nick felt a thunk in his right shoulder. At first it was just an odd heavy feeling, but then the pain rocketed from his arm to his brain. He cried out in pain, and looked just briefly enough to see the arrow sticking out of his shoulder, and to dodge the archer’s next attempt. “Haven’t you heard of a god damned bullet?” Nick winced at the future pain of having to pull the arrow out, as well as the present pain from the large wooden shaft stuck deep in his muscle.
Seeing Nick’s injury, James picked up the pace. Together, the three of them pushed aside the crowd that had just exited the elevator, and dove into its inky black carriage. The door snapped shut quickly, but not before a few arrows and knives could fly through the gap. There were dull thuds as they hit the back wall of the elevator, but thankfully, no one was hit. With a jolt, the elevator was moving swiftly upward, taking them out of harm’s way.
A sudden pain shot through Nick’s arm as Lopsang reached over in the darkness and pulled the arrow out. “What was that for?” He barely finished before he could feel liquid being poured over his arm and smelled the strong scent of mountain wine. Hot fire raced through the wound, and Nick yelled out in pain once more. “Jesus Lopsang, do you bring that everywhere? Give me a drink.”
Lopsang obliged, and passed Nick the bottle. “You know, for a seasoned hunter, you’re a bit of a baby.”
Nick responded with a grunt and drained Lopsang’s flask.
Lopsang cursed in a foreign language and took it back. “What? Never been shot before?” he asked sarcastically.
“Not when I can help it,” said Nick, temper rising now that they were temporarily out of harm’s way. He had been shot only once before after running afoul of a remnant of the Knights Templar in London. At least those bastards had the courtesy not to use barbed arrows. It had still been incredibly painful, but afterwards they had all gone to a pub to celebrate their differences with a drink. Something told him that the assassins of the black market would not feel the same sense of comradery.
The elevator doors snapped open and revealed red-lit streets. Through the tops of the buildings they could see the evening sun setting over the mountain. Its silhouette drew longer, sending the street into a half twilight. Nick got to his feet, ignoring the pain in his arm, stepped out of the elevator, and threw his hood in a basket next to the door. By the laws of the black market, anyone who escaped with their anonymity intact was free to go. The assassins would not hunt them unless they tried to reenter.
James removed his hood as well, and Nick felt a wave of relief that he had hit the right person.
After taking a moment to catch his breath, Nick turned to James. “How exactly did you manage to find climbing gear?”
“Well,” James said, cheeks reddening a little.
Nick could not tell if this was from the wounds he had sustained in the fight, or embarrassment. “How did you get the gear?”
“Well, I had no money see, and I took some Judo classes in college.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Nick in disbelief.
Lopsang started to laugh hysterically.
“I offered to fight him for his gear.”
Nick joined in Lopsang’s laughter. He could hardly contain himself.
“I had it completely under control until you two showed up,” he said, defensively.
“Wonderful, not only have we broken the laws of the black market, we’ve stolen from it as well. Thank god for the amnesty law.” He sighed loudly. “Banned from the nicest market I’ve ever been in. I really can’t take you anywhere James, can I?”
“At least I got the gear,” said James annoyed and in pain.
Nick stopped to give him a stern look, but couldn’t hold it for long. Soon the three of them were laughing together. “You thought you could fight a member of the black market for climbing gear? You must have really wanted to impress me,” said Nick, swelling up his chest and laughing a bit more.
“Don’t flatter yourself, I thought I could take him.”
Nick knew that this was true, but was a little dismayed by the extent of James’s pride. He knew that on the mountain ego would lead him nowhere, but to a snowy grave. “Well, let’s be thankful we never had to find out.” Nick looked up at the darkening sky. “We’d better get a move on.” Nick picked up his bag and started walking in the direction they had come from that morning.
As they passed a bar, he considered stopping in for a drink, and slipping James a sleeping tonic. He and Lopsang could ditch him in the middle of the night, and the apprentice would be out of harm’s way. Almost immediately he scrapped this plan, knowing it to be useless. James would pick up their trail and be caught up by nightfall. He had proved himself incredibly useful, and the thought of no longer having a target for constant berating saddened Nick.
Consigned to the fact that they would all travel together, Nick struck up a conversation. “What do you think of all this Lopsang?” Nick gestured to the climbing gear, and the looming silhouette of the mountain in front of them. “Heading up the mountain with a couple of adventurers who swindled you that is,” he added, keeping his distance in case Lopsang had regained his thirst for violence.
Lopsang did not respond for a while, and instead gazed off at the mountain. Nick thought that he could see longing in his eyes, despite the many dangers that lay on the mountain’s slopes. They walked up the emptying streets in silence as he pondered. A chill had begun to set in the evening air, cutting through even Nick’s thickest layers.
“I suppose I could have done with my gold back,” said Lopsang slowly, “but this is certainly more interesting.” He favored the two of them with a smile.
Nick found it odd, but he was beginning to like Lopsang, despite having held him at gunpoint earlier that day. “You could ferry people up the mountain the rest of your life, servicing their glory, but coming with us? Now there’s a story worth telling.” Nick was lost in the grandeur of it for a moment. “In a few weeks, we could be entering the gates of Shangri La.” He let the sentence sink in, and then added, “Or we’ll be a bloodstain on the side of a massive mountain, but either way, we’re in for a bit of fun,” he laughed and clapped Lopsang on the back.
The three of them continued toward the mountain, determined not to lose any time. James and Nick’s second brush with near death since entering the country had left them invigorated. Both were eager to start their journey, for different reasons. James was excited to get more experience and potentially discover the unknown. Nick felt like a man possessed, and full of what felt like hope. More accurately, he was full of the fact that he wasn’t going to let Manchester beat him to the top.
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Comments
A line in the middle there
A line in the middle there got me comparing this chapter to the orginal 2014. A lot of editing done, and I think it's definitely tightened the story up a bit, and the latest version has a better flow to it.
The line that caught my attention initially - "He knew that on the mountain ego would lead him nowhere, but to a snowy grave." - reminded me that in the original James' fate later in the story was aluded to. I'm guessing that the change here is so as not to give away this major plot point. But at the risk of just sounding as if I don't like change I think I would be inclined to revert to the original in this case. While it is a bit of a spoiler, a personally found that it added a lot of emotional weight to the story knowing that James was doomed, wondering exactly how it was going to happen, and that it made me more inclined to make a connection with the character.
Also, I notice that we haven't got the end bit where he's jumping into the present and talking to that guy. I haven't been following the rewrites too closely, so I'm not sure if this is a change you've made to the whole story, but once again, I found those interludes added quite a lot (although maybe they wouldn't have worked quite so well in the third person.)
Anyway, those were just a couple of thoughts I had about this chapter. And also, very impressed with your ability to edit as thoroughly as you have. I usually find it quite hard to make as much change to story as you have.
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