Rovers Return
By malc
- 264 reads
I knew I was lost as soon as I turned the corner, it was my own
fault, I'd allowed that sense of triumph to build up inside me. It had
started the moment I spotted the familiar looking copse from the top of
the last hill. The anticipation had grown steadily as I walked on,
getting nearer and nearer until I couldn't help but smile.
I'd recognised the little copse instantly - at least I thought I did. A
dark dome of tightly packed fir trees split by a triangle of sky at the
summit - as if cleft by some giant axe. The closer I came to my goal,
the more my certainty and confidence grew. There was the lichen clad
dry stone wall with it's distinctive stile. Thin slabs of stone,
jutting from the face as if a giant claw had pierced through from the
other side - I'd recognise it anywhere. I relaxed as I knew the end was
within reach, I was on the final straight. New strength found it's way
into my iron-heavy limbs and I lifted my head up and walked tall. Just
around this next corner and there would be the hostel minibus, a snug
refuge from this dreary trudge, Leonard and Phil the course leaders
would be inside and they'd both rush out and congratulate me on being
the first to return.
Leonard and Phil, both hairy ex-army types, not my cup of tea at
all.
Their congratulations would have been muted - I'd have finally beaten
the men on the course at something and that they wouldn't have
expected. Had I been a man, my victory would have been accepted without
thought and would have been the certain cause for ritual whoops of
congratulation and heavy bouts of back-slapping. Instead I knew I'd
receive an uncertain hand-shake, thin smiles and an insipid "well-done"
thrown in as they hit the peak of their acclaim. Arrogant gits, both of
them.
With the formalities over, I would clamber into the minibus where Phil
would present me with a hot mug of tea and a ham sandwich. Then we'd
chat and share a joke until the others returned soaking and bedraggled.
That's what I'd been thinking, what I'd allowed myself to imagine,
stupid fool that I was, a moment of pride, top dog for once. Instead, I
was standing beside some other miserable copse, stuck out in the middle
of nowhere, cold and pathetic.
I sat down on a clump of grass with my arms folded and would have
kicked the dog if I'd had one. I felt my cheeks flush, tears began to
fill my eyes and I raged at myself. Why had I been so stupid? Why had I
come on this bloody course in the first place? I started to sob,
pathetic childish sobs that I didn't bother to stop, they at least gave
me some relief from the anger inside.
I don't know how long I sat there, it might have been five or ten
minutes, it might have been an hour, but as I lost myself in
self-indulgent commiseration, someone up there decided to smile at me.
A shaft of sunlight fought it's way through the sullen murk and I
looked up, my attention drawn. Suddenly the featureless grey hills were
beaming at me, alive with colour. There were bright greens of grass and
fern and mauve patches of heather. The whole glorious landscape broken
into a patchwork by the black and grey thread of the old stone walls
glistening in places from the rain and soaring high above it all, wide
across the open sky was a magnificent rainbow. I stood up and took a
deep breath sending a rabbit scurrying for it's burrow and stirring the
birds in the trees behind me. Looking round at the beauty before me I
felt ashamed of my petty moping. What did I care about coming first or
last, did it really mean anything to me? Opening my eyes and seeing
this beauty at last, this splendour spread before me was worth far more
- heck the company were even paying for me to be here. I knew now I
wasn't lost, I couldn't be lost, I would finish the course. I didn't
know where I was but it didn't seem to matter anymore, from here on in
I would just be enjoying the walk.
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