Apocalypse 5 The Earth Collides With a Comet

It was a cold Sunday morning in August 2095. Matty was preaching at the front of the church
tent, reading from a small Bible.
"Scoffers will come. 'They will say, 'Where is this coming he promised? Everything goes on
as it has since the beginning of creation.' " Many people are saying that now. They are all
saddened by the earthquake in America but they think that everything's under control. I know
the food's a bit different and we're all a lot thinner. There's still enough vegetable oil to fry the
chips and the campsite shop now sells tins of beans, peas and carrots. There aren't any beef
burgers. But everybody thinks they'll survive. Oh yes, we're clever. Grow vegetables in
Africa when the weather gets cold, why not? Let's send up a nuclear warhead to collide with
that comet, now that it's just whistling past Mars and they've finally confirmed it's going to hit
the earth in the next eight weeks. We'll be all right. 'While people are saying 'peace and
safety' destruction will come on them suddenly, as labour pains on a pregnant woman, and
they will not escape.' God's judgement is coming on this world. This world and everything in
it is passing away. 'The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be destroyed by
fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.' There is still time to save your souls.
Repent. Turn from your sins and follow Jesus."

Meanwhile, Terry was watching the television down at the pub.
"There's nothing so sad as a pub with no beer," he said to the barman.
"We have to conserve wheat and sugar," said the barman. "Can't afford to brew luxuries like
beer. Fancy another diet lemonade?"
"Yes."
"With a little bit of Romanian paint stripper in the top?"
"Why not?"
"They make it from potato peelings." The barman poured Terry his drink. The people in the
pub were excited. The Americans were just about to launch the missile that would intercept
the comet. The television showed pictures of it on the launch pad at Cape Kennedy.
President Elias appeared on the screen, explaining what would happen.
"The missile will intercept the comet in six weeks time. At this point the comet will be ten
million miles away from us. The comet is travelling very rapidly but our scientists have
calculated that a nuclear warhead exploding on one side of the comet at that distance would
give just enough force to deflect it by a few thousand miles, enough for it to miss the earth."
The scene on the television returned to the launch pad at Cape Kennedy. The countdown
began. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." The engines on the
spacecraft fired. Everybody in the pub cheered.
"We're saved!" shouted Terry. "Good old President Elias. He's the only person on Earth who
can get us out of this mess."
"The comet is not going to hit us," said Steven. "The only people who think it will are Matty
and Pauline and the people in that church up there. Oh sorry, I forgot to call them disciples.
They're offended if we don't call them disciples, because they're the only people who are
real Christians anywhere. Not us, we're going to Hell."

One lunchtime Matty was sitting in the canteen eating a bowl of vegetable broth. Vegetable
broth seemed to be the only thing the canteen served now, and she had been given only a
very small bread roll with a scrimp of margarine. Stephanie came and sat next to her.
"I can't understand what it is with you people," said Stephanie. "Why do you believe the
world's going to end? Can't you see that President Elias is trying to save us?"
"It won't work," said Matty.
"How do you know it won't work?"
"It's in the Bible."
"Don't you think they sat down and worked it all out? These are the scientists who put a man
on Mars thirty years ago, I'm sure they know how to deflect a comet. Why don't you have a
chip? You need one. You can't go to the doctor now if you're ill, you can't even go to the
chemist's to buy any pills because they won't be able to see your medical records."
"Stephanie, I'm fine."
"You won't always be fine, though. You're going to be ill one day, we all are. There again, I don't suppose it really matters to you because we're not going to live very long anyway."

On September 19th Terry and his friends sat in the pub.
"Another diet lemonade with a little shot of Romanian paint stripper," said Terry.
"Have you got any diet coke?" asked somebody else.
"Yes, we got some diet coke this morning," said the barman.
"Got any Jack Daniels?"
"You must be joking. I can give you some of that Romanian stuff in it like he's having."
"Don't bother. I'll just have a coke."
"Well, this is the day," said Terry. "This is the day when they send that comet far, far away
from the earth and President Elias finally saves us." They watched the television as the
scientists at Cape Kennedy sat in anxious anticipation as their missile was about to intercept
the comet.
"The missile is moving into the correct position, just 100 metres above the comet surface,
2 km down the far side," said one of the scientists. "If we send the signal now it'll take sixty
seconds for it to actually reach the comet."
"Now would be the right time," said another scientist. "I'm going to give the command to fire
after the count of three. One, two, three, fire." Somebody pressed a button at Cape Kennedy
and nothing seemed to happen.
"What's wrong? Did it not fire?" asked somebody in the pub.
"It takes a couple of minutes for the signal to get there and back," said Terry.
"I thought you were one of those disciples," said Steven. "The end of the world is nigh. It isn't
going to work. Oh no, we're all going to die. Never mind, we'll be in Heaven." They all
laughed. The television showed a picture of the spacecraft missile sitting next to the comet.
Then the screen went blank.
"What's happened?" somebody asked. The scene returned to the scientists at Cape
Kennedy.
"The missile has exploded," one of them announced. At Cape Kennedy people were
jumping up and down and cheering. Everybody in the pub was jumping up and down and
cheering.
"Let's have another drink to celebrate," said Steven.

Matty was at work. One of the managers came in shouting,
"They've detonated the missile. They've deflected the comet." Everybody looked excited.
"What do you think about that, preacher woman?" somebody shouted at Matty.
"We still don't know that it worked," said Matty.
"Why are you always so cynical?" asked someone else. "Why can't you just accept it?" The
jubilation at the Inland Revenue was short lived. A few hours later an urgent email appeared
on the computer screen.
"This afternoon a missile was sent to deflect the comet. The missile exploded on target
successfully, but there may be complications as it appears that the comet has split in two.
The missile has removed the snow from the comet, dividing it into a mass of rock and a
gigantic snowball. As the snow absorbed so much of the energy, it is not clear whether the
deflection of the comet will be as much as first thought."
"Don't start saying, 'I told you so,' " somebody shouted at Matty.
"Oh come on," shouted someone else, "if they don't succeed the first time, they'll try again."
"They can't try again," said Matty. "That thing is travelling fast. If it's any closer to the earth they
won't be able to deflect it. That was our last chance. The comet is coming. The world is going
to end. There is still time to repent, there is still time to save your souls."
"Matty, calm down," said the boss. "I'll have none of your preaching in here. Now you can all
get on with your work and President Elias will decide what to do next. I'm sure he can cope
with any crisis."

It was a clear night and the comet could be seen streaking across the sky. Matty stood in the
street in Newcastle city centre preaching through her loud haler.
"So who do you trust now, now that President Elias has let you down, now that your scientists
accept that there is no way they can actually deflect the comet? You can see it in the sky. It's
nearly here. It's going to be another ten days." The crowd around her were rather drunk.
"Have a drink and forget about it," someone shouted.
"What are you going to do about it?" shouted someone else.
"There is still time to repent, there is still time to save your souls. Turn from your sins. Follow
Jesus. You need to be a true disciple. You need Jesus to be the most important thing in
your life. You need to live for his pleasure." A young man came right up to Matty and spoke
to her.
"Look you, I'm sure that if there is a cosmic disaster President Elias is the one person we can
absolutely trust to take care of it. Some of us will survive. We won't be like the dinosaurs.
With him in charge, we'll carry on." Matty continued shouting into her loud haler.
"You won't survive this. The earth and everything in it is passing away. The elements of the
earth will melt. Repent while there is still time."

Ten days later Matty was at work when an urgent email appeared on the computer screens.
"The rocky core of the comet has landed in the South Atlantic ocean. Many of the government
farms near the equator have been destroyed by the huge tsunamis that resulted. Even in this
country, some places have been badly effected. Plymouth is a city underwater. Cardiff has
been almost completely destroyed. In Liverpool there is severe flooding. Although it was
sheltered from the full impact of the oceanic tsunami and the wave had to travel up the Irish
Sea, the floodwater was high enough to sweep people and caravans away. Click on this link
to see an urgent message from the President." Matty clicked on the link. The president's face
appeared on the screen.
"The comet hit the South Atlantic last night causing enormous devestation. Many of the fields
near the equator in which we were growing vegetables are now under water. We have
enough food to feed those who without it will die very soon. Cafes will be made into feeding
centres. Here you will be weighed and medical staff will decide whether you need food.
Humanity will survive." Somebody came running into the office from the kitchen. He was
holding a cup of coffee.
"Aagh, aagh," he screamed. "This coffee's horrible, it's burning me. I just took one sip of it
and I feel terrible."
"Simon," said the boss, "your lips have turned blue. We'd better get you to hospital." A few
minutes later another urgent email appeared on the computer screen.
"Don't use water from the taps or water heaters. Most of the water in this country has been
poisoned. Scientists are analysing the water and trying to work out if some chemical from the
icy tail of the comet could have contaminated it. Only buy canned or bottled drinks." A few
hours later Matty went down to the shop to buy a bottle of cola.
"We haven't got any drinks left," said the woman behind the counter. The vending machines
were also empty.