Vacation in California

It's taken a mere six days for me realize what I want from my life.
And what I decidedly don't.

A month's vacation between two semesters was what I had been looking
forward to since the day classes began. This would be the first time
I'd be able to relax and enjoy the complete and unsaturated bliss of
idleness.

I arrived in the United States five months ago to pursue a two year
graduate program. This, I would say, was more of a cover up than the
actual reason for coming here. I slogged for the entrance exams,
routinely kept awake to draft that perfect resume, e-mailed furiously
for financial assistance from all available quarters and managed to
finally get admitted to all eight colleges I applied to.

This was just the beginning.

Two weeks into college and I knew I had axed my own foot. This was no
joke.

I had had lofty plans before setting foot on American soil. The idea
was to be close to my fianc? while having a legitimate and plausible
reason to be here. We had endured a year of long distance courtship and
he needed another year to complete his own studies before we could
finally tie the knot. So, I figured this would be the best way to be
near him and at the same time have something to keep me busy.

Sure, I have been busy this past semester. So busy that there was
nothing more I wanted than to quietly get married and stay at home for
the rest of my life.

I mean, really, it's such a cool life you know. Just to get up in the
mornings, cook breakfast for your hubby, send him lovingly to office,
clean the house, take a long luxurious bubble bath, prepare lunch for
him, sit and eat together in the balcony warmed by the benevolent
Californian sun, sleep a while, watch television, make a sumptuous meal
for dinner and finally relax and unwind at bed time. Wow!

Writhing with envy at the fate of all my married friends, I would
continue with my daily assignments. There was just one thing that kept
me going - the thought of that long Christmas vacation.

The vacation turned out to be more of an anticlimax than I could have
ever imagined.

He had three days' leave from office during my entire month's stay and
undoubtedly those three days were the best part of the holiday. The
rest?well, I constantly kept telling myself that 'this, too, shall
pass'!!

I wanted to be the model wife and what better chance than now to show
him what lay in store?Getting up at 8 a.m. was certainly not on my list
of wifely "duties", though.

He insisted on having his daily diet of cereals but I graciously
offered to make parathas. He coaxed me to go out of the house in the
afternoons but I refused to give in to the idea. I had to look up
recipes on the Net, clean his wardrobe, do his laundry, iron his
clothes - my hands were full. Who had the time for an afternoon
walk?

Three days of cooking, washing and ironing later - there was nothing
left for me to do. Cooking isn't that difficult, really. All I needed
to know was how to make the basic masala and then everything became
easy. I had all the time in the world to relax. And relax I did - for
one whole day. The following day, the idea of relaxation was stressing
me out.

I wouldn't want to let go of him when he dropped in for lunch. I would
resort to calling him every half an hour to ask him how his day was
going. I had even begun to talk to myself - just to keep company you
know. He would come home by 8 p.m. and I would have had enough of
watching NBC 11, Home Improvement and The Simpsons by then.

Dinner was mostly about what he did in office - technical jargon, half
of which I did not comprehend, and a good night's sleep was not on his
mind yet. He would have to attend online classes and finish assignments
till the wee hours of morning. Being a full time employee and a part
time student was no easy job and I could see the way he was slogging it
out.

I, on the other hand, had nothing substantial to do.

Certainly, this was not what I wanted from life. Even our conversations
were dulling down with my only utterances being "Umm Hmm."

As much as I admire all my happily married homely friends and all other
ladies who choose to remain housewives, I know for a fact that I cannot
be one.

I itch to do something more than just routine chores. I love bubble
baths and spas but I would rather have had a hard day's work to my
credit to be able to relish an hour of lazy indulgence.

Interestingly enough, my subject area is such that I don't have any
dearth of work. All I need to do to keep myself busy is read and
write.

I am now utilizing my time doing just that. And in between, I do wash
the dishes, water the plants, do groceries and also take an evening
walk. Life, suddenly, seems to have revealed to me a lot about
myself.

And he's back to enjoying his bowl of cereals each morning.