The Game Where Nobody Wins

I have been on this computer for what feels like ages.  

The game is simple.  Easy to learn.  The clack of the keboard.  The tick of the clock.  The beat of my heart.  All three racing, trying to outsmart or outrun each other. They know neither is possible.  They are triplets, dying to be different but born to be the same.  Nobody wins at this game.  

Dad walks into my room at half past one in the morning.  "Daisy, what the devil are you doing up?"

I shake my head.  I don't take my eyes off the screen.  Some games just have to be played.  

He tiptoes half a metre into my doorway.  "Uhhhh...guy problems?"

Surely, he must know that he is leaving his comfort zone.  In this case, mere possession of a Y chromosome does not render him eligible to walk headfirst into my love life.  

He leaves after this, anyway.  It's called animal instinct.

*

2:06am.  Facebook notifications stream in, converging rivers, but none of them are what I want to see.  Malia Obama has won an award at her middle school graduation.  Steve Martin has decided to retire.  A musician whose name I have never heard previously has jumped off a building in the thick of night.  A tragic event.  Condolences rack his memorial page in millions.  

And still he will not come online.  I think about texting him, and then realize I don't have his number.  I IM Zoya and wait another two hours for her to reply.  

No good.  He hasn't checked his phone since the day he got it :(

Sometimes I think it is worse to have your ideas crash than never have them at all.

*

I spend the next night counting cracks in the red bricks outside my bedroom window.  I only realize I've done an all-nighter when a golden sunrise picks out broken rock particles.  I can hear my sister shouting something directed at me from downstairs, but I am only human.  I sleep till midday.

*

3:30pm.  He is still not here.  I scratch my head.  Snowflakes rain onto the bed, stark against the sheets of night.