For the date of 3/10/01

i miss will
i havent heard his voice in over 24 hours
wow, i sound like a lovesick puppy
but i do miss him so much
i want to see him
i want to be in his arms
i want to lay my head on his chest and feel his heart beating
that would make me happy
i feel like im just faking it here
no one is really interesting to me
(is that horribly arrogant sounding--i dont mean it like that, i dont
think im better than these people, i really dont! but i just dont
connect to them, and thats important to me)
but here i feel like everytime i laugh,
its only so that they will like me
i feel like they all think im weird
they think its weird that i actually read stuff
heaven forbid that i do that!
i mean, what are books for
certainly not to read!
lets just put them on our shelf and stare at them
oh wait, we better wait until we "graduate" co-lin and have milked the
cows, and then we can stare at the books
but first, before we do that, lets just go cruising for a bit(by the
way, apparently, "a bit" is a rather strange expression and im the only
one who says that--same goes for "rather")
but anyway, enough of my rants about the lack of motivation of these
people
they dont get me,
they think im strange
well, maybe i am
actually im more than strange
but i would rather be strange than just like everyone else
the world is full of conformity
ruo(im talking to him right now) just said that genius is in the
minority
i like that
i know im not a genius but i like that
i think im going to start doing this everyday
just typing out my thoughts on here
it makes me feel better
so heres another thought...
how does ruo get me like he does, and why doesnt will?
ruo just totally understands me, its like he can see inside of me
he understands why im upset about not going to math competitions, or
why i compare myself to others
he understands why i feel i must supplement my education
why im upset at my lack of learning at this school
why i am already worrying about colleges
and will doesnt get that
he doesnt understand why im so upset that i dont get mr ollar as a
teacher
and im afraid he never will
maybe im just worrying over nothing
but what if he never understands me in the way in which ruo does
why am i worrying over this
oooh i just rembered a quote , but i cant remember who said it: "why am
i staring at this fire like a lost soul when everything i have ever
longed for is at my fingertips? because i am, incorrigibly now, a
wonderer"
nice, huh?
wow, im so retarded
im writing this like im actually writing this to someone
i hope no one ever sees this
im not going to tell anyone about this or that i have a name on
here
that way they wont ever read this