Nervous Nick

Nervous Nick, living in his sky rise,
Couldn't get to work 'cos the lift was bust.
Desperation, called out the firemen,
They couldn't come 'till late August.

Next best thing to run down the stairway,
Five at a time with his helmet on,
Watching out for muggers in the dark satanic shadows,
Perhaps another time 'cos his nerve has gone.

Nervous Nick, called out the lifeguard,
Send out a chopper with a man on a rope.
Swinging to and fro in a force eight gale,
Going green already and he just can't cope.

Letting off a flare for the SAS,
Came in through the window 'cos the door was locked.
Nervous Nick was all in a dither,
Sent them all away 'cos they didn't even knock.

Scouts on a bob a job came to the door,
Anything to do for a packet of King Size,
Didn't want to know so they called big brother,
Nick kissed the floor with two black eyes.

Tied all his sheets together, absailed down,
Feet on the ground thought he was free.
Man from the council came and took his name,
Couldn't hang his washing from the balcony.

Send for the demolition, blow the building up,
Always fancied living in a bungalow.
Big bang, bright flash, Nick arrived at work,
Came straight home with his vertigo.

Spends all day in bed with a cuddly toy and nerves.
Doctor can't get through the wild dogs in the hall.
Never mind, soon be out, Thunderbirds are coming.
He's watching them on telly and he's given them a call.