Ross and John do a robbery

I once stole a bicycle

but it turned out it belonged to somone

whose bicycle made them unhappy.

All day they'd cycle to a job they didn't like,

a manager who typed in capslock,

a colleague who ate the apple cores

and on the way back they'd ride one handed

eating multipacks of crisps and when their bicycle

wasn't there that morning, the morning 

after I'd been drunk and stolen it

because I lived so far from the party and it turned out

it wasn't ok for me to stay there, they looked

at the wall where it is usually propped up

and didn't even phone in to say they wouldn't

be coming in anymore, sometimes you don't need to

and the bike has now served its purpose I don't even know

where I abandoned it there is an awkward moment

when you've drunkenly stolen a bicycle when you realise 

you have stolen a bicycle but it was found by someone

desperate for any kind of transport to attend

a life saving moment, what a relief for everyone,

what an absolute relief.