Mable’s Fables

Mable’s Fables

By Paul McCann

 

Mable Sniggers lived a little on the far side of life as if she was in the world but not really part of it , there was just something different about Mable Sniggers  ,

She was kind of unique in her own way . If there was no trauma in her life then there would be nothing much left for her to talk about , everyone knew her.

Mrs Delaney the woman who owned the post office always greeted her with a smile even though she knew what was coming ,

“There you are now tell me how are things today, Miss Sniggers ?”

Mable replied

“I’ve been dragging my feet around all week since the doctor told me I have a terminal illness and might not even see the year out “

Mrs Delaney replied

“I wouldn’t worry Miss Sniggers . Sure, we all have to die sometime. “

Mable said ,.

“That’s true , did you know that boy who got run over last week by the coal lorry ?

Mrs Delaney shook her head and said .

“Oh, wasn’t that a terrible thing “

Mable replied .

Well actually I heard the driver of that truck has a history of running  over things by the way .”

Mrs Delaney tutted and said.

“Is that so Mable ?
Who continued 

“ Let me tell you , he also ran over young Hughie Greenwood two weeks ago  as he stepped off the footpath to cross the road and the very same driver also killed Mrs Muldoons’ cat Tiddles who had kittens on the way . I don’t want to  I’ll say no more but the same reckless driver collected poor Tubby Swindles as he came out of the pub late one and now Tubby’s legless .“

“Is that so Mable ?”

Mrs Delaney replied .

“Without a word of a lie , that driver needs to be certified .”

Mable replied as turned on her feet and walked out of the shop .

As she walked along the footpath, she spoke to people passing by.

“How’s life these days “

Asked Mr Dickie Doran .‘

Mable replied ,

“Sorry for your loss ?”

Dickie stared back with a quizzed look on his face . Mable often took people by surprise saying things that made no sense .As she went into the internet café a young lady who worked there greeted her .

“Hoes your morning been ?“

“I’ve just had an assessment on my mental health . Those people need their heads read . They just thrive on the hardships of people like me . “

The young lady had no answer and just said ,

“Is there anything I can help you with ?;

“Actually, I need to scan a few pages with the results of my mental health assessment and send them by email to my insurance company .“

“I can certainly help you with that”.

The girl replied .

“You’re the one for me . Let me tell you I have no idea how to scan or do an email . To be honest without your help I’d be a nervous wreck needing serious sedation and transport to the hospital “

The young girl brough Mable to the self-serve desk where some photocopiers were and asked ,. .

“How many pages have you to scan “

Mable presented a dozen pages and started reading them one by one ,

“This is the first page that needs scanned , it got all the news about what’s been  going in the past and let me tell you there’s some funny stuff there . On the next page is more of the same . All gloom and doom of the who’s who in the community health team and sure I’ve never met one of them in my life before . Then on the next page there’s a written letter of authority from my doctor who to be honest needs to have his head read not me but anyway , he’s doing ok for himself with several houses of his own that were all destroyed by fire and no one could save his budgie who was found as black as soot inside  it’s cage , I think anyone who keeps a bird in a cage has to admit that it’s cruel life . Who can honestly say that keeping a bird in a cage is a weird way of showing affection to a creature who is meant to be flying free through the sky singing songs . Don’t you agree ?“

The young shop assistant just stood there speechless and murmured .

“Sure , ah like mmm I guess so “

Mable continued ,.

 The next page is a few sketches I was asked to do . This one’s meant to be a clock but I got carried away and drew  a time machine instead . In my opinion time is something invented by those who like use mind control on people . In fact, I think there are time travellers who come and go and to be honest they have no idea what day it is never mind the time . So, in my opinion if I was a time traveller what good would a clock be to me . Don’t you agree ?”

 

The young girl stood there holding the pages with a blank look on her face and said  .

“I guess you’ve got a point there. “

Mable checked through the rest of the pages and said “

“The other pages are the questions I was asked and the answers I gave .”

Can you scam then for me and email them to my insurance can company dear ?

The young girly tried to explain and show Mable how to work the photocopier and the computerised equipment .

 

“Before we can start scanning, you’ll need to use your credit card to pay for the scanning and emailing process . How many copies do you want and will they be in black and white or colour ?”

Mable replied ,
“Last year I was having lunch in one of those shopping malls , I’ll never forget that experience . It might have just been my forgetfulness but my mobile phone rang as I was paying for my sandwich with my credit card . So right away without thinking . I must have put my credit card down to answer my phone but after the call I put my phone back in my bag and forgot about my credit card and walked away . When I discovered my card was gone it was too late and since then I’ve never had another one of those plastic cards . So, all I have is cash . So, where abouts do I put my money into start the scanning .?

The shop assistant replied ,

“We will have to go up to the front counter to put some cash money on to one of our  copy and print plastic cards that you can use in out scan and email machines ‘

“Noe that’s just what I mean ,see if you weren’t here to help me do this, I’d be a complete mess . My minds not geared to work with machines that only use plastic cards . I’m already starting to palpitate . I’ll tell you dear I’m so glad you’re here to help me with all this ?”

“No problem  I’m glad to help .“

:How much money do I put on this card then ?

“I think two dollars should be enough “

 .The girl replied .

“When I was your age , two dollars was a week’s wage for my poor mother who used to put eggs in boxes on the chicken farm that used to sell them to the local people who came day and night for their fresh eggs . Time s have changed so much . There were no plastic cards back then and as a matter of fact before the world changed when plastic came in . Everything that was wood and metal  and even flesh and blood , all became plastic . Now the world is all plastic . It’s a plastic world full of plastic people , All the furniture is plastic , even money today is all plastic . They call it credit cards and everyone used them now as if they’ve earned some special reward in life to own one . Mr Brewster who has the butcher shop has so many plastic credit cards that he needs a backpack to carry them in . It takes him a half an hour to decide which one he’s going to use. Sometimes I wonder if the world will return to using cash again the way we use to do “

She handed two dollars to the shop assistant who put the credit on to the plastic card and then they returned back to the photocopier self-serve desk .

Again, she tried to instruct Mable how to use the machine .

“Now place your plastic card under that red light and one by one place all the pages into this slot for scanning . Then select the scan button here and press black and white copies as they’re less expensive.  Next thing you need to wait until the machine has scanned all the pagers and then you’re ready to send them by email , just put in their email address there on that screen and its that’s easy . “

Mable stood there shaking nervously and replied ,

“It’s just as well you know what you’re doing . I have no idea how you did all that and that’s why I’d be a mental case trying to work it out . I’m having head staggers just watching you ,. The world today is being run by machines , do you know what in the future long after I’m gone the machines are going to take over the world and people will be controlled by them  . Just you wait and see . I don’t know what kind of world we will have in the future . I’ve never really got uses to the plastic age and now it’s all computerised . If machines have their way, we’ll all be kept in cages waiting to be scheduled and sent into ovens for the cremation of the human race . That will be the day when there’s nowhere to run and hide and all the flowers in the gardens will be plastic and even the grass as well because it saves time in watering . Then it will be a plastic world run by machines and computers “

“Is that all you need help with today >”

The young girl asked ,

“Oh yes , I can’t thank you enough .What’s your name dear?

The shop assistant handed her a card .

“:If you’ve time you can leave a review of how I was able to help you today .

 Mable took the card and put all the pages back into her shopping bag and walked out of the shop .

As she walked along the footpath, she nodded her head a people passing by and said ..

“It’s a plastic world with plastic people and we’re all headed for the crematorium .

 

The End