Waiting On Tables

Waiting On Tables

By Paul McCann

The usual crowd all sat there around the pub ordering their usual drinks . The two usual Thursday night musicians played in the corner . One on the drums and one on the guitar . I was doing my usual thing walking from the bar to the table bringing drinks and returning the empty glasses . Each tray Was equivalent to my nights wages so I had to be really careful as I made around the tables .It was more difficult as the night went on because some of the regulars were unsteady on their feel and you had to try to avoid them as you made you way around the room .carrying a tray filled with expensive drinks but still I was agile on my feet being young and fit and my balance was well able to counter most dangerous situations . Now and then I was called to break up fights and assist with other situations that would arise .

I worked most evenings at the Pub and got on well with most of the patrons . The barman was known as Topper who had an amazing memory for recalling drink orders . He was lightning fast at pouring out drinks and we shared the tips at the end of the night . The tips usually were more than my nights wage so  all in all the job was really worth keeping .

I had already got to know the regulars and their usual drink orders so all they needed to do was give me a nod or a wave and could go straight to Topper and bring a tray.to their table .

Working as a waiter was a great way of connecting with people . Everything was face to face , you remembered things in your head , nothing was written down on notepads with a  pencil and pen . You had to memorise names and orders as well as the stories people would tell you about their various situations they were going through . You had to adapt at times from being a waiter to a phycologist or a priest listening to their confessions and their personal problems . It was all part of the job .

I often thought how brilliant it was when the patrons could raise their voice louder than the noise of the musicians in the corner who played and sang …

Some of those orders I can still remember ,

The lady who wore a red dress always sat with the same fella . They had another couple with them and their order never changed ,  .

“ 2 Pimm’s , a lager and lime a pint of Guinness and a baby sham “

There were those who drank stout and those who drank lager .

Then there was the beer with whiskey chasers people , the brandy and dry sippers and wine drinkers . Everyone had their favourite drink .   .

Topper was a genius , never once did I have to repeat anything . You only had to him once and in no time at all he had the drinks all lined up like soldiers along the bar . I’d hand him over the money and he’d give me the change unless it was a pre-order before I was paid . Everything was just like that . There was never any issue and the tips were always out into a big jar which we split at the end of the night .

The crowd were usually happy . Only now and then was there any trouble which was very quickly sorted out .We were known as the friendly pub so trouble makers usually stayed away ,

But there was this one night I remember when I went to work with no dinner and I really wasn’t feeling the best but I showed up for my shift anyway . That night there was a special function on and some new faces were among the usual crowd .

All the tables well full and there was only standing room left for people who came in.

The first drink order of the night was probably the biggest order I had ever taken with maybe a week’s wages all sitting there in glasses on that on that tray .

As I returned to the table being very careful of where people stood and keeping a good grip on the tray that had  expensive liquors other shorts and all sorts of extras , cigarettes and snacks I never saw this young guy who was sitting back in his chair with his big lanky legs all sprawled out in front of him . He wasn’t a regular and because of the large crown I  couldn’t see properly which made carrying the overfilled tray a little tricky ...The light was turned down because someone was going to make an announcement from the microphone on the corner stage .

In the half-light I never saw the long lanky legs that were all sprawled out and I tripped over . The whole tray of drinks went tumbling from the tray on to the floor and I nearly died with embarrassment and the money lost on that order .

There was nowhere to run and  hide  as all the eyes of the crowd were upon me.

Then out of the blue , one of the regular customers got up from the table and made his way through the crowd to this lazy character with the big  lanky big lad and in one movement he grabbed and  lifted him out of his chair and told him to clean up all the mess on the floor . A few of the other regulars also got involved .

On this particular night the owner of the pub was there and he also came over and  took over the communication with the lazy long legged man and addressed him for the way he had been sitting in his chair and also made him pay for the entire drink order because it was his fault that I had tripped and the tray had fallen to the floor .

After the paid for the drinks, he lazy lanky legged fella left the pub to the cheers and jeers of all the crowd who gave me a big round of applause .

We never saw that lazy lanky long-legged fella ever again returned to the pub  .

The End