Dr Spoke and Dr Kelvin Save the World! - Part Six: ‘Splitting the Atom (again)’

 

CAST

Dan AB : Dr SPOKE

Dan H : Dr KELVIN

 

SPOKE : Hold it steady, Dr Kelvin...

KELVIN : Holding it steady, Dr Spoke...

[ KELVIN is leaning over a table holding what looks to be a very small object, while SPOKE has a large and heavy object raised above his head ]

SPOKE : After a count of three, Dr Kelvin...

KELVIN : That axe looks very big, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : And very sharp, Dr Kelvin.

[ KELVIN visibly gulps and looks very nervous indeed ]

SPOKE : One... Two...

KELVIN : Stop!

SPOKE : What is it, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : Is this really the best way of doing this? I mean the safest way?

SPOKE : Put your safety goggles on.

KELVIN : Of course! Safety first... [ puts on goggles and gets back into position ]

SPOKE : One... two... th-

KELVIN : Stop again!

SPOKE : What is it now, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : Have we considered using a scalpel?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A carving knife?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A meat cleaver?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : a tenon saw?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A laser?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : Jackie Chan?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A cheese grater?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A garlic crusher?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : Nail clippers?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A wormhole generator?

SPOKE : Pardon?

KELVIN : Never mind. What about a pencil sharpener?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A lawn mower?

SPOKE : Yes.

KELVIN : A nasal hair trimmer?

SPOKE : Yes, yes and yes, Dr Kelvin! We have considered all of these things and more!

KELVIN : And why did we deem them unsuitable for the task in hand, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : We did scientific tests, Dr Kelvin.

KELVIN : Ah, I see.

SPOKE : So the big, sharp axe is the only thing remaining with which we may split the atom.

KELVIN : [ resumes the position ] Go on then, Dr Spoke... do your worst!

[ SPOKE raises the 'axe' high above his head ]

SPOKE : One... Two... [ starts to lower the axe ]... Thr-

KELVIN : Stop once more!

SPOKE : Oh what is it now, Dr Kelvin?!

KELVIN : Didn't someone already split the atom about 95 years ago?

SPOKE : Who, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : I recalleth not his name. I think it was a scientist.

SPOKE : Oh botherations! So what shall we do now?

KELVIN : Put away the atom and have a cup of tea?

SPOKE : Splendid idea, Dr Kelvin! Here is the atom box...

KELVIN : Thank you, Dr Spoke! Easy does it now...

[ KELVIN is carefully putting the atom away in the box, when he squeezes a little bit too hard and... ]

[ !KABOOM! ]

[ KELVIN and SPOKE are flung to the ground ]

[ After a few seconds, KELVIN and SPOKE get up, cough, rub their heads and simultaneously say... ]

KELVIN and SPOKE : Oops.

[ exuent ]