Larry and Mick and the Palace of Pain

"Ow!" said Larry, as he tripped over a paving slab just outside the main gate.

"Best get onto the council about that," said Mick.

"You're not wrong," said Larry.

Larry and Mick entered the Palace of Pain.

***

"Should we even be here?" said Larry, as he narrowly avoided a spilled jar of drawing pins.

"They've got a 2-for-1 on the leather handcuffs," said Mick.

"Why do you want two pairs of leather handcuffs?"

"Just for spare."

"Fair enough."

***

It was a palace and a shop.

A royal abode and a retail establishment.

The dwelling of kings and a bargain bonanza.

A banana skin and leaking pot of facial rejuvenation cream.

"Who put those there?!" said Larry, as he got gingerly to his feet, nursing a bruised rump.

"Sorry," said a passing gremlin, as he wiped yellow stuff from a mouth which featured on a face which resembled a chamois leather cloth which had been through the wash a couple of dozen times, chewed extensively by a gummy walrus and left out on a rock in the Sahara for 25 years.

"Well... just be careful," said Larry, as the cheeky little fella gathered up his purchases, giggled mischievously and bounded with youthful abandon from the 'Palace.'

"Gremlins today," said Larry.

"No respect," said Mick.

Larry and Mick proceeded to the leather handcuff section.

***

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ON ALL LIGHT BONDAGE ITEMS! - proclaimed the sign.

"Do you want the left or the right?" said the shop assistant.

"Beg pudd'n?" said Mick.

"The left hand or the right hand?" said the shop assistant.

"I don't understand," said Mick.

"The left cuff or the right cuff?" said the shop assistant.

"I um..." said Mick.

"Buy one get one free!" clarified the shop assistant.

"What d'y-?"

"Buy the left cuff, get the right cuff free... buy the right cuff, get the-"

"I want two!"

"Left and right or right and left?"

"Two pairs!"

"Well that's just greedy."

***

Larry tripped over Mick, as Mick tripped over four candles.

"Who put those fork handles there?!" said Mick.

Two men named Ronald exchanged a look.

"Let's get outta here," said Larry and Mick simultaneously.

And so they did.

[ fin ]