Larry and Mick Engage in a Bout of Public Silliness

Larry watched, as Mick picked up a leaf, put it on his head and sang the U2 song, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.
'Hmm,' said Larry.
'What?' said Mick.
'Well...' said Larry.
'Out with it,' said Mick.
Larry pursed his lips.
Mick raised an eyebrow.
'It's just not that silly,' said Larry.
'Not that silly?' said Mick.
'Not really,' said Larry.
'Right...' said Mick. He then walked into Woollies, bought a packet of Maltesers, walked back out of Woollies, took off one shoe, opened the packet of Maltesers, poured the Maltesers into the shoe, sellotaped the empty Maltesers packet to his chin and offered the Maltesers to passing strangers.
Larry scrunched up his nose and emitted a grunt.
Mick paused in his light-honeycomb-centred-chocolate-snack-offerage and looked at Larry. 'I am,' he said, 'offended by yon nose-scrunchery. And,' he continued, 'quite frankly, the grunt goes beyond the pale.'
'Beyond the pale what?' said Larry.
'Eh?' said Mick.
'Beyond the pale,' said Larry, 'what?' he elucidated.
(Is there an echo around here? thought a passing spaniel, who was far more intelligent than even his doting owners perceived, and was in fact, far from being a 'mere' passing spaniel, an alien secret agent from Pluto, on a fact-finding mission to discern the TV-watching habits not, surprisingly, of the seemingly dominant species of Homo sapiens, but of the humble (allegedly) housefly.)
'I don't know, really,' said Mick. 'In fact the who phrase "beyond the pale seems pretty pointless.'
'And silly,' said Larry.
'Yes, I suppose "silly,' said Mick.
'Speaking of "silly,' said Larry, 'try this for size...'
At which Larry picked up a passing spaniel, whipped a skateboard out from under the feet of a passing Tony Hawks (that being, oddly enough, Tony Hawks, with an 's,' the comedian/presenter/writer, not Tony Hawk, the real-life sk8r and computer generated star of the PlayStation games, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4, Tony Hawk's Underground, Tony Hawk's Underground 2, Tony Hawk's American Wasteland and the new one), then proceeded to skate back and forth on one leg, with one arm pointing forwards and the other holding the spaniel, to whom he lovingly recited extracts from the plays of Harold Pinter.
'Ooh, that's pretty silly,' conceded Mick.
At which all of Tony Hawks' friends, as well as Simon Cowell and a small selection of random street urchins, appeared suddenly out of nowhere, roughly removed Larry from the skateboard, released the passing spaniel into the wild (well, HMV), knocked Larry and Mick unconscious, kidnapped them, tied them up in a warehouse in Droitwich, demanded three million pounds ransom from The Queen, waited three days, got bored of this whole kidnapping lark, decided instead to make friends with Larry and Mick and attempt to initiate them into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, realised after a while that Larry and Mick had escaped and left cardboard cut-outs of themselves, then went for lattés and banana muffins at Starbucks, had a few pints of absinthe and fell asleep in an enormous boxful of shoes.
No they didn't, just kidding.

* * *

EPILOGUE:

And some people think human are the dominant species! thought the passing spaniel, as he walked out of HMV with a bagful of Alanis Morisette CD's. Fools...

[ the end ]